Pressure on my eyes.
Lack of focus.
Feeling like an invisble helmet is pushing down on my skull.
Mind going blank.
Onset of headaches.
And even though I know all these things, am still often too lazy to drink water, too lazy to carry water with me, too cheap to buy bottled water and afraid of having to go to the toilet twice or more per hour…
I drink more water than I used to. I remember that all through highschool I never drank while at school. I was so disgusted by the toilets there that I did anything to avoid having to go there. I also had some sort of social phobia which still exist and which you would never believe I have if you saw me teach.
This abstaining from all drinks during school hours quite likely affected my grades negatively, especially in the afternoon. It must also have made my aversion of school even worse.
Back then I was totally unaware of the effect not drinking enough fluids had on me. I just assumed it was a normal state. Maybe I also wasn’t so aware of it, because I didn’t consciously check if I was possibly dehydrated.
My life was so ridiculous back then. Apart from geekish pursuits, feeling miserable because of girls -mostly- and the drag of school I lost a lot of time with this weird social phobia. I did weird things for no other reason than that I felt so awkward talking to people, to being seen.
If I could do things over, I would drink water and just fucking use those toilets.
Have I become so different or was the school climate really so unforgiving and restrictive that one had to protect one’s self against calls of nature?