Healing my spirit doesn’t go together well with studying war. Thinking human life was ‘war’ made my life into more of a struggle than it needed to be

Stuff is happening around here. I can see it int the kind of dreams that I am having. I just had a painful, but message packed ‘nightmare’ I will unpack later today. I see it in my viewing behavior on YouTube, I see it in the way I respond to people and I see it in the way I treat others and even in how I spot what a person’s real obstacles are (I did a lot of deep work with a client yesterday and I hadn’t been planning it).

My normal reflex after waking up in the morning would be to immediately turn on the German news coverage of the war in Ukraine. When there wasn’t a war going on in Ukraine there were other things, but similar in nature. I have long thought that studying war was the same as studying and preparing for human life in general. Life was war to me. Needless to say that a conviction like that adds quite a lot of war-like elements to life. It also makes sure you can never drop your guard, because you are at war. A war is a state of emergency and there is no real break from it. I have taught myself German and other languages via studying war…. Why not combine two obsessions, right?

Now that am letting go of a set of mechanisms that I thought served me well, but actually created the problems I thought I needed them for, I am less excited about studying the war in Ukraine. I will analyse it further, but it won’t be my next 24 hour obession anymore.

My life is not a war (tough for me to write that) and studying the war in Ukraine or any other war is not going to do anything for me, except that it gives me a bit of a kick just like any drug would do.