Dieting is a mental game first and foremost.

Overeating at its core is an expression of not loving yourself.

You know it’s bad for you. You know it’s going to make you uncomfortable later. You know it’s going to make looking into the mirror very unpleasant.

In my experience overweight people tend to be very loving, caring people, but also deeply hurt and without much love towards themselves. They can’t protect themselves from the needs of others. It’s almost as if gaining weight is a way to throw up some sort of bulwark against the world.

Of course there are MANY other factors as to why someone can become overweight. Simply not knowing what kind of food is healthy and which one isn’t. Or simply to avoid crap food. That’s tricky indeed, because 90 percent of what you find at a supermarket is stuff you shouldn’t be eating or drinking. That includes almost all products that are marketed as healthy. Take fruit yoghurt for example. No fruit, no fiber, lots of sugar. It’s bad for you. Another factor is that it requires change and recognizing that your daily habits are not going to help you lose weight. If your entire life you thought toast with strawberry jam or Nutella was actually a healthy breakfast then it takes some pain to rework that. Am not gonna list all factors. Am sure you know them anyway.

Still, am convinced that not loving one’s self is an important component. This also means: as long as you don’t love yourself any diet is going to fail. Even worse: the diet will be a way of punishing yourself, not a healthy practice to reach a happier place. Am convinced overeating is usually a reaction to trauma. Whether early in life or later on. I started overeating after my father’s death and it got really out of control when on top of that I got into some other extremely painful situations. I blamed myself and started hating myself. Of course am not going to treat someone I hate to the bliss of a jacked body. Am not going to care and stuff myself. Add another reason to hate myself.

Only when I saw what it was doing to me, where the behavior was coming from, what it made me miss out on did I find the will to stop it. Believe me, the wake-up call was one of the most painful moments of my life. I share a lot on this website, but am not going to share that. Maybe as a scene in a novel some day.

When it comes to food am back where I was to before my father’s death. That means I feel terrible after eating even one tiny cookie and therefore choose my moments to indulge very carefully and wisely. I will sometimes share a cookie with my son as one of many ways to bond with him. I stress the word sometimes. I also don’t want to teach him that eating unhealthy stuff is a great way of establishing a connection with someone, but bonding via food is part of our culture. And it tends to be the kind of food that is not kind to the waistline.

I can’t really explain how I managed to love myself again.

I think the shortest possible answer is this:

I saw how NOT loving myself was hurting the people around me and undermining my relationships with the people I care about.

Then I had to learn how to forgive myself. An ongoing process.

Basically I had to accept I had let myself miss out on a lot, because of toxic beliefs and now had to embrace life again. Maybe on some level I was hoping that if I let myself go enough someone would appear to save me. I was wrong. People can offer guidance and support, but all the hard parts you have to do yourself.

If you want to do the same I can guide you. Just drop me a line and we’ll work something out.

As always hoping to have helped you a tiny bit.

Much love,