What is hypergamy? A friend tells me what he’s discovering about women and relationships

Do you know what hypergamy is?

A question from a good friend on Messenger.

Nope, never heard about it. I know polygamy and polyamory, because that’s what I embrace, but I have never heard of ‘hypergamy’.

A quick search on internet reveals that it used to be called ‘marrying up’, hooking up with someone in a higher social class, someone with more prestige and/or money.

My friend takes this a step further and theorizes:

‘Women are always trying to be together with the man with the highest social status they can find. If they can find one with more social status they will leave you.’

Social status or influence tells her you have the power to protect her and her offspring, as you will command respect in the tribe and you will be able to make other tribe members do what you want. A lot of this is communicated through body language and a certain display of well-being, self- confidence, and ease around other men. Succesful pick up artists have mastered the body language of socially influential males even though they don’t really have much status at all. And it often works. Social status is probably the biggest turn-on for women.

My friend takes this yet an other step further and says:

‘Women are constantly testing you. They have all sorts of demands, but when you give in, they know you are weak and they will leave you or humiliate you until you man up. If I give her everything she claims to want, she will lose interest. It’s all a big test to see how true I am to myself.’

I often meet and work with women who have broken up with that one guy who did everything for them and later find themselves in relationships with men they complain about, but don’t leave, they even seem glued to that boyfriend they are constantly complaining about. Or what I also see is women accepting the guy who tries to do everything for them, but then they never mention the boyfriend anymore, he’s just there, doing everything for them, and somehow making himself entirely irrelevant and unexciting.

The same day that my friend shares his theories with me, I get this comment on a thing I wrote about a fling with a Russian woman. A guy named P. Murray describes Russian women as follows (I didn’t edit anything):

‘Love to argue and will drive you crazy with jealousy as they will revel in telling you how great a lover their ex husbands / boyfriends were.

To handle this tell her your not in mood for sex my dear and she will think your kicking her out off the house, cutting her off financially and putting her back on the shelf and at that point will do anything for you. And I mean anything.

As my Russian beauty will say in her beautifully accent DON’T BE PUSSY WHIPPED BE A MAN. They love a man to take control and put them in their place otherwise they will walk all over you until you grow a pair.’

I don’t like the objectifying tone of the comment, nor the cliche represenation of Russian women, but in essence he’s saying the same as my friend.

Some of the more succesful pick-up artists will tell you sort of the same thing. Women are so called ‘bitchy’ for your own good. It’s their way of trying to help you correct your weak, easily led behavior.

You could call it the ‘madame Bovary complex’, the last thing a woman needs is a man who does everything for her and becomes her servant, even if it seems that’s what she’s after, she is not. She’s looking for a man who will love her and who loves himself enough to put up clear boundaries.

This is often linked to theories concerning our existence as hunter-gatherers.

If a woman linked up with a man ‘back in those days’, her survival is at stake, if she’s not with a man who can make snapshot decisions, who’s entirely sure of the path to follow, she puts her life and the life of her children at risk. So she tests the water and tries to bust that guy’s ball. If he let’s her, he’s failed, she’s in danger, she needs to seek safety elsewhere.

So if your girlfriend is being kinda nasty to you, it’s because she wants you to grow and be more sure of yourself.