I’m sick of my flabby gut and man boobs, or moobs. I’m finally done with it.

Ever since my father passed away, back in 2009, I have neglected my diet. The only reason I’m not morbidly obese today, is that I have always avoided sugary drinks. That’s all. If I had added those to the mix, I would be gigantic today.

Am not gigantic, but more and more items of clothes no longer fit around my waist. I catch clients and students staring at my belly. I’ve heard women I fancy comment on it, make jokes about it.

As the perspective in my life has shrunk, my belly has grown.

I have used food for comfort. Yes, the classic filling of the nagging emotional void with food. I can eat all day. I can just start eating and never stop. Especially fatty stuff, thick sauses, spicy chicken, French fries drowning in mayonaise, kebab, that sort of thing. Tons of spaghetti.

I love food, nothing too fancy, just a lot of it, and the kind that fills.

It ends here.

What I love even more is having a six pack. You can call that vanity, I don’t know what to call it, all I can say is that I like to rub my hand across it and that it makes me feel good. Touching my flabby gut fills with disgust, I can’t even look at it.

So yesterday I snapped. Finally. And am on a very strict diet. I am determined to lose the necessary weight. I need to shed about 20 to 30 pounds. And damn it, am going to get rid of that excess, horribly unattractive mass.

Since I am an abstainer, I find it way, way easier to totally give up on something than to eat or consume something in moderation.

I would rather eat no French fries at all than a pitiful 200 grams that only leaves me craving more and more. Give me none or give me enough to feel more than full. No in betweens.

So I’ve put myself on a very restrictive diet. All am worried about is losing muscle, because while my gut has grown, my biceps has also grown. Perhaps because the only exercises I still do involve my arms, not much else.

I am too lazy, or too disenchanted with life (more accurate) to go running like I used to, so I go for walks. At least some exercise. And I eat either nothing, or very little. Like today I will eat only 4 bread rolls. About 800 calories. Nothing else.

Yesterday I consumed 300 calories.

Am aware of the risks. This could lower my metabolism and make me gain more weight when I return to a normal eating pattern. I know. I have to keep this up now.

During the week I will eat more proteins.

And once a month I will pick one day and eat everything I damn well please. Somewhere near the end of the month.

I’ll let you know how this turns out.

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