Here are ten of the most dominant characteristics of modern males. These characteristics arise structurally and are practically unavoidable unless some very ‘off the grid’ parenting is part of their history with unusual input that offsets the influence of the system males operate in.

1. He is fragmented, but calls it ‘busy’

He can’t focus very long on anything, except maybe when it’s tied to his job and he is being paid for his focus. Even then his focus is often interrupted by messages, notifications, reminders, alerts, scrolling, checking the news for no reason other than for stimulation and impulse buying online.

He is constantly looking for quick stimulation, nothing he does fully nourishes, so he keeps scanning for more shallow input. Hours can go by checking for the best electrical scooter, scrolling memes, skimming ‘articles’ about ‘hidden holiday gems’, fitness routines, gadgets.

He rarely sits down for a few hours and comits to mastering something deeply.

2. Disconnected from the body

The body becomes a project to be managed, not something to be used as a vessel for aliveness, to communicate with, to connect with.

At its worst it becomes a stone that has to be slammed into perfection through self-punishing activities.

Often that perfection never arrives, but the self-punishment, rowing when one doesn’t want to row, training for marathons while actually hating marathons, depriving one’s self of food, obsessing over sleep patterns, etc.

The body is treated like a misbehaving animal.

3. No tribe, no sacred community mission

Friends are not a tribe, are not mentors, are not allies, but are buddies to have fun, talk about what could be useful for work, holiday ideas, optimization tips, the goal of contact is comfort, not challenge or honest mirroring, because that would be destabilizing and the modern male fears nothing more than to be destabilized. Deep conversations about any emotional territory are avoided like the plague.

4. Politics – deciding what kind of society we want to live in – is entertainment, bar stool philosophy or treated cynically

One of the reasons they get hooked on endlessly calibrating and optimizing personal routines and habits is because the modern male has long ago decided he has no political influence.

Politics is left to fringe ‘extremists’ or those so good at being visible they can make money as a politician.

Other than voting political activity is seen as a waste of time.

5. Addicted to comfort

Though he may punish the body, almost everything else is optimized for comfort and convenience.

Life becomes a project to eliminate friction or the pain of acquiring hard skills.

This seeps into all relationships as well.

Tough conversations are avoided.

Friends that stand in the way of comfort, because they seek depth, are quietly let go.

Girlfriends are projects to keep content, not alive, not vibrant, not fully awakened, no, content is enough.

6. Relationships are two manangers of two somewhat compatible optimization loops

They kinda stop exploring each other, erotic life becomes routine, she likely grants sex as reward for ‘being a good boy’, he seeks for temporary relief of tension.

Much more important is to maintain status, living standard and the practicalities of every day life.

Wonder, awe, devotion, building a mutual symbolic language or universe are completely gone.

Most couples would not even have the faintest idea what wonder, awe, devotion, transcendence, ever mean. These concepts are entirely foreign to them, because to experience them you have to allow for discomfort first and one has to be willing to see one’s own psyche, warts and all. This is anathema to the modern male.

7. Lives in his own myth

He repeats a story about himself again and again to calm his nervous system.

Conversations become places where he seeks witnesses to the story he tells about himself.

This gives some peace, protects stability, but makes evolution or spiritual growth almost impossible.

What or who threatens his self-image is eliminated or ignored.

8. Effort needs to lead to money or status or some kind of direct pleasure, otherwise he avoids it

Conversations at the office become about signalling status, intelligence, competence. Vulnerability is not allowed.

Information that does not logically or directly increase money, status or pleasure is instantly dismissed as useless.

If someone has deep affinity for detail, emotions, huma n stories this is only respected if that person can make money that way or gets status that way.

If sharing information gets someone 1 million followers it matters.

If sharing information gets someone an intellectual orgasm or an inner, highly individual universe to enjoy,  it’s a little weird and useless.

People too different from familiar scripts are seen as irrelevant and a little annoying.

9. From the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed the world he lives in is organized around getting him to consume, not to build something he cares about

If a male (or female) now wants to build something that he actually deeply cares about he runs up against several gigantic obstacles.

He would have to ignore most of modern day surroundings, since they don’t allow him the space to think about what HE actually loves and could build. His focus is too fragmented to build anything of his own.

While building he would lose status, possibly income, and he would face criticism or judgement from the people in his life. ‘You are working on what now?? Are you nuts?? Let’s go for ice cream and mini golf, don’t be weird.’

10. He is hunger for something, but can’t bring it to words, cannot articulate it

Underneath the distractions, the corporate bullshit he faces most days, the ineffeciency at work, the theatrics of modern day life which are more about visibility, positioning and networking than about productivity, he craves real challenge, authentic beauty, respect, some danger, meaning and a life that feels uniquely his own, not his version of the system supplied script everyone else is also running a version of.


Written for Bruno, for a woman I haven’t met yet and for the few survivors of the spiritual holocaust, like you, yes, you.