The unusually intimate diary of a responsible hedonist (5) :: The hunger pangs of ambition

This year has been about changes. Some of them good and positive, a lot of them extremely painful. I would rank this year as the most painful of my life or as the second most painful. 

I work my ass off, I try to spend as much ‘quality’ time with my son as possible and spend time in the company of great people as much as possible. I read a lot, I write a lot and I haven’t worked out like this since 2007… 

I go out, I explore, I look for what fulfills me and gives me joy. 

So far mostly unsuccessfully. 

Even though I often teach from 7 am till past 9 pm I feel very unfulfilled. I crave more success and more great people in my life. 

I have also decided I will in the future mostly write romance and erotica. And plays with lots of dialogue about society, with quirky, ‘real’ characters. 

And I honestly have no idea how to get more success as a writer nor how to bring more people into my life who nourish my soul and vice versa. 

I find it a slap in the face just to think about how much more work it will take me to become a little bit more happier… It’s like our human world is set up exactly in a way to make me miserable. Or am I simply in the completely wrong country for my personality???

Any suggestions are very welcome. 

Pictured are two lights in my darkness: Peter and Erika.