There is pineapple in the fridge, there’s a plate of fresh strawberries on the table. Do I feel like eating that? No, I would have to push myself to get them into my mouth and swallow them. Just looking at them reminds me how full I feel. I have eaten a simple, but filling Slovak dish that consists of milk, vinegar and lentils. Am not hungry. In fact, it’s almost like I have a brick in my stomach. Here’s the ‘weird’ thing though: could I eat a very large portion of pasta and cheese right now? You bet! God, that would be orgasmic. Could I eat a gigantic portion of Belgian French fries with my favorite mayonnaise? Oh, yes yes yes yes!!!!!! My mouth has just turned into the Niagara falls.

Then I take another look at those strawberries and that brick hits my stomach seemingly out of nowhere. It’s obviously not food that I am after. It’s comfort. It’s joy. It’s a feeling of belonging. It’s being ok in the moment. It’s flow I crave. Deeper connection. Perspective. Meaning. Contributing to something that I value. As soon as I realize this it’s like the pasta and cheese and similar options floating around in my head get unmasked and lose their appeal. They even look like obstacles to fulfilling my real needs now. Needless to say that I won’t be eating any ‘crap’ f