Silly title. Fine. My blog. I can throw any kind of pathetic title on here.
Today is the first day am also cutting out green tea. Why? Because of caffeine. Have been coffee free since the 1st of July, but here is my theory:
am cranky the entire day, have a short fuse, can’t focus on almost anything, pace around the house like a maniac and can’t start the day unless I have had my – big – dose of strong green tea. Also the headaches are back. The same as with coffee, but milder. Without the euphoria. Coffee gives me a burst of euphoria from time to time. Green tea doesn’t. But the overall consequences are similar. I am definitely going through cafffeine withdrawal, cause I feel tired, my head hurts, I have shivers and I have suicidal thoughts. All the signs of kicking caffeine.
What is my hope? That by cutting all these things out the war inside my head will quiet down. Sugar has been the hardest one to cut out, because it’s everywhere, but I can do a better job.
I also know that none of this is going to matter much unless I get a regular exercise programme going.
Today marks the first day I did push-ups after a long time of no push-ups. Lots of running would have the best effect on my mental gealth, but so far I haven’t been able to get me to do that. I don’t even care to analyze anymore as to why I lost all my motivation and self-discipline. I just know I have to change, because my mental health is a living hell.
PS The title refers to the fact that I experience my depression as having a castle inside my head. The castle dominates all the land and kills everything that lives. So to free myself I have to besiege the castle and raze it to the ground. It’s just an image I have.