Negotiating sex like it’s a business meeting

‘She came with a checklist’.

My student describes a business oriented woman. No nonsense. They had met online and deciced to meet in a bar.

First she checked him out, from top to toe and back.

She asked if he had his own place. How many times he wanted to do it. What kind of preferences he had.

When they said goodbye he said to himself:

‘What the hell has just happened?’

My feelings upon hearing his story are similar.

I have done a lot of crazy shit, but setting up a meeting to negotiate a sex contract or humping pact or fuck buddy alliance or whatever you want to call this is not one of them.

On the one hand it strikes me as bizarre and highly unerotic, on the other hand it strikes me as pure unadulturated common sense, straight up.

How easy things would be if this approach would be the standard.

Last week I was tempted to ask one particularly intelligent and pleasant conversationalist if it was an option between us.

I did no such thing cause it still seems like a huge faux pas to me.

On an other level the anecdote makes me wonder if our culture i changing. Or if this is just what can happen when women become economically independent.

They don’t need men for survival anymore, at all. But they have needs. And a vibrator and there own hands scratch an itch, but it’s not the real deal.

One woman told me last week: ‘When we are horny we just want a hard penis inside us and nothing can replace that.’

My student is impressively fit. He’s not the most sensitive dude, but he is smart, understands lots of things and is polite. He’s not well read, but I suppose not every woman is after an orgasm AND a post-coital lecture on French literature. Sometimes an orgasm is just what the doctor ordered.

I hear other voices in Slovakia telling me that sex can never be disconnected from spirituality. That whomever we have sex with leaves a piece of their soul with us and vice versa for all eternity. Needless to say that these are Christian voices.

Am not a mainstream christian. I suppose I can’t be called christian at all, if anything I am a heretic, with the H of hippie. I do think we underestimate how impactful sex is. Our sexual partners never fully leave us. I remember all of them and some flash in front of my eyes every day. They’re impossible to erase. I don’t want to erase them, but it would be impossible to do so. I have primarily fond memories of all them. Some come with bitterness, but in the way coffee can be a bit too bitter. Still better than no coffee.

Maybe it’s because there was always some intellectual connection first. I have never slept with a woman who by any standard cannot be seen as highly intelligent. Maybe that helps to avoid unwanted messiness. A negotiation was never necessary. The only thing I recall that comes close to a negotiation was something like: ‘If we do this we have to promise each other we will stay friends’.

An absurd promise to make in any case, even without sex.

I suppose if a negotation is needed first, you both don’t want it badly enough. (*)

And if you both don’t want it badly enough, then don’t bother.

(*) This point was sort of confirmed when my student said: ‘she was only a 6 out of 10’.