You know why it’s totally safe to throw your most personal secrets online?

(My thoughts are jumbled again, but at the bottom of this post I briefly give an example of how a total defeat can lead you to blossom….)

Because no one has the time nor the willingness nor the attention span to dig through them.

Under totalitarianism of the state you can’t say what you want because everyone spies on everyone else, under totalitarianism of the indiviual ego you can say whatever you want, because everyone is focussing on his own little bubble.

In that sense a blog post or anything you post on social media becomes much like a message in a bottle.

I’m going to limit the egocentric bullshit around here a bit, and instead of 5 awesome things a day I want to focus more on interviews like this one with Jacob. If you wish to answer the same questions as Jacob, let me know, we’ll get it together.

I also want to continue with these ‘Love leaves clues’, because I think our ability to love is our most important characteristic. Perhaps I’ll also throw in something like ‘Success portraits’ or something about strategy… Maybe I’ll focus more on doing videos…

Instead of these 5 awesome things a day, I want to do only one egocentric rant per month. This is the one for March, 2017.

Over the past 12 months I have been particularly directionless.

I’m reading the book ‘your one word’, to see what connects all this seemingly random stuff I do to give it more direction, but so far I’m not quite there yet.

Words I come up with are:

passion- women – love – potential – strategy – challenge – devotion – thrive – grow- smash borders – freedom – -emotion – authenticity – authentic- understand – accept – empathy – acceptance – unite – uplifting – inspire – truth – unmask – connect – expand – control – direct – organize – share

So far I’m leaning most towards ‘love’.

But then I think about some other things that make me very emotional, like the American Civil War and the Confederacy. I mean, for crying out loud, I had tears in my eyes when I was adding text to the picture of Confederate playmobil soldiers…

But what the hell has the Confederacy to do with love?

Ok, the guys who fought for the Confederacy were hot headed and passionate, they were to put it in modern terms,

tough motherfuckers.

But where’s the love exactly?

I mean, if those guys had won regular and officially condoned slavery would have continued a bit longer than it did.

So maybe it’s not love, but commitment?

As you can see, I’m not there yet.

The theory is that if you find your one word it becomes a lot easier to give direction to your life, to make decisions, to make your output consistent. If you’ve ever scrolled through this blog you can easily see how inconsistent it is. Even if I post daily.

My family got me these Confederate soldiers for my birthday. It’s an excellent gift. Very personal. Perhaps much more personal than they even realize.

For the last couple of months I’ve been tasting defeat about as bitter as these Confederates, doing things that I know full well can never have the outcome I desire.

Today, on the 2nd of April, the Confederates lost their capital. I won’t go into details, history buffs can read all about it here.

The soldiers in the picture are cornered as you can see, just like they were in real life. As opposed to many civil war buffs I still believe they had a fighting chance to get out of their predicament.

According to my wife I’m a ‘baranidlo’, which is Slovak for ‘battering ram’. Maybe she’s right. She tends to always be right, so… Perhaps because, being a woman, she thinks with her heart and not with her ego. To be a battering ram has advantages and disadvantages. It has mostly downsides if you go and try battering down walls that are simply too thick and if you run away from the walls you would do everyone a huge service with if you razed them right down to the ground.

Yesterday I ran into such a wall and I’m actually exhausted, tired of the old me and ready to shed my skin. I also think I won’t get out of this by focussing even more on egocentric bullshit.

I again loved what Sasha had to say:

The situation of the Confederacy is so emotional for me, because when I was growing up I felt like my dad was totally cornered. As a small child I wanted to save him, but I couldn’t of course, and it wasn’t my task either. And even if I had offered better advice he wouldn’t have taken it anyway. Quite like the Confederacy in fact. I kinda know what they could have done to win the war, but they would have refused to do it.

I do not wish to end up like my dad, but out of loyalty towards him I take two steps away from that destination, and then I take one step towards that destination, or I become overflowed with a kamikaze like, dark desire to run straight into that abyss.

If I’m a good therapist, it’s because no human extreme is alien to me.

Maybe only 5 people will have any idea what I’m gibbering about in this post, but so be it.

If you want to know what I’m trying to say, essentially, then make the 10 second effort to translate this: γνῶθι σεαυτόν.

Tonight Donkichod has a meeting to determine how we are going to sell our first book -that will be easy, the book is good-  and to launch totally different activities besides publishing books.

As of tomorrow we will also be handing out the invitations to come to the first meeting of the Walnut Social Club Bratislava.

So why can even the bitterest of defeats lead you to blossom, eventually?

The Confederacy was in total ruins in april 1865.

lecture-12-part-ii-the-civil-war-9-638

In November 2016 the states that made up this Confederacy got the president they wanted in Donald Trump. Their values have not changed very much, but their tactics to promote them have become a bit more effective.

trump-confederate-flag

It’s a sad example of people turning defeat into victory in the very, very long run, but see it as something positive.

If you are tasting defeat, believe you can turn it into victory, in some very unexpected ways.