11th of August 2022 :: My feminist Fay is a financially independent self-made career woman.

You’re nervous, but also excited today, because a colleague you respect very much has come over from The Netherlands. Along with some other Dutch colleagues. Chubby ladies with short hair who correct the English of their Slovak colleagues and don’t realize they make a ton of mistakes themselves and have a worse accent than the Slovak employees they look down on, just a little.

Hendrik is not like that at all. You really admire his attitude towards work and he has always encouraged you to speak up more. You have tons of knowledge about the company, but struggle to put your foot down when you see something is not going to work. He laughs and applauds you when you show your assertive side. Something with a bit more vehemence than you intended. You’re learning.

After 14 years Hendrik is leaving the company. Maybe he got to be too expensive. In typical Dutch fashion he takes it in stride and jokes: ‘They have ridden this horse until it dropped and now they will eat it.’

He doesn’t mean that. Hendrik is just being Dutch. He’s married with kids. The Netherlands takes good care of their unemployed. With his extensive corporate experience he should be able to find something good pretty soon. The Dutch economy is healthy still.

You are preparing to go to work. You are a six foot storm. Or more like a ship in a storm and your long dress with big red tulips (I see what you did there…) is almost flapping like a sail in the wind as you jog through the house gathering your things. You are thinking out loud and letting me know about Paul and what the plan is for tonight. You will wear the dress and switch into a different one, fancier one, at the end of the work day.

Am smiling. Sitting on the couch. Preparing a Dutch lesson, but mostly just watching you get ready without giving you the feeling am observing you. You hate being observed. Except in our fantasies. Then you love it.

‘So join us tonight at Au café. 20.15. I have made reservations. First the tour of the monument for the killed Soviet soldiers, you know it right? (I say Slavin), yes, Slavin, then the castle, the soldier of Napoleon, Cumil, you know, all that, then the UFO and then the restaurant. Majka and I still need to wrap the presents. I have to pick up the wrapping paper, so have to stop at Nivy. I have a peeling at 12.00. There will two sharks there. Those people look for the tiniest weakness. Gotta shine today. Ughhh. I have pimples!!! I hate it. Need to mask them. Googling it. Why do I have oily skin!!!!! If I find out it’s because of your bouchées you are going to be a very dead teacher. Better pre-record some of your online lessons.’

‘I always get an erection when you threaten me. You know a bit of women on men violence turns me on.’

‘Yeah, I never get that. I would never actually hurt you. You know that. Am just really nervous.’

‘I see it.’

‘I will say absolutely nothing that you would not like me to say tonight. Not even in Dutch so you can’t understand.’

‘You’d better not. Letting you come over is a huge deal, you are aware of that right? Am gonna be super tense around those sharks. Not Hendrik. He’s amazing.’

‘I will carry that box of Straffe Hendrik to your car. 14 bottles of beer, one for every year he worked there.’

‘That was a nice idea. Had not idea you can order so many different Belgian beers from Slovak shops. What does that straf or whatever it is mean again?’

‘Strong. But for drinks. Coffee can also be straf. But something that happened could also be straf. As a noun it means punishment. But here it just means Strong Hendrik.’

‘Stop teaching me.’

‘Not teaching you. Just explaining something.’

‘It’s like you are teaching me. I don’t like it.’

‘Am interested in a bunch of stuff. That’s all.’

‘Me too. But not in the mood for an exposition on Dutch culture.’

‘It’s more Flemish actually. Straf as an adjective is not that common in the Netherlands.’

‘Stoooooop.’

‘Ok, ok, taking this box to the car.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You’ll want a kiss? Or too nervous?’

‘A kiss. But before I put my make-up on. Can’t believe am putting on make-up for those sharks. I hate putting on make-up if it’s not for a wedding. All that hassle.’

‘Blippi: now he wants to say you are stunning without make-up.’

‘Yes, Blippi, I know.’

‘Zuzefine: Vous etes vraiment mignons ensemble.’

‘Let our zoo sleep a bit longer. I need something sweet. Not bouchées.’

‘I got you gluten free pain au chocolat.’

‘Aaaaah, mixed feelings!!’

‘He treats me like a Queen, but am gonna be a fat Queen like this?’

‘Yes. And go. Cause am getting to be in tuli tuli mode, and I can’t afford to be in tuli tuli mode today. Gotta be in snap snap shark mode.’

Tuli tuli is our code for snuggling.

‘Am gonna be there. I speak Dutch. I can function in formal settings without any trouble. I know their language, I know their culture. It’s really going to be fine.’

‘I sure hope so. This is my job. This is holy to me. You get that, right? Holy. This has to go right.’

‘I care as much about my work as you care about yours. Don’t need to repeat all this. We’re gonna dazzle those people. They won’t know what hit them. At the end they will make you head of the bureau in Paris.’

‘They’re shutting it down and moving it here.’

‘Yes, ok, I know that. I meant they will promote you again. Am sure of it.’

‘That would be flattering and rewarding too, I guess, but…’

‘Luna But Merzan’

‘Yes, that’s my full name.’

‘I love your butt.’

‘Blippi: so cheesy, so predictable.’

‘Zuzefine: Arrete, c’est l’amour. Toi, tu sais rien, Blippi, tu sais rien. That was a Game of Thrones reference by the way.’

‘You can tell me all about it tomorrow, when I am back in my head and my ears work again.’

I take the beer to your car. I am back just on time to kiss you and give you eskimo kisses and suck your lower lip into my mouth.

‘Thanks.’

‘For what?’

‘You always support me. It’s amazing. You’re wonderful.’

‘It’s because you let me. Thanks for letting me.’

‘You don’t always have to react. Ok, now you’re going to shut up till am out the door.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Are we very cheesy, you think? Like too cutie cutie?’

‘We have a lot of raw stuff between us as well, in case you forgot it. We get our kink on as well.’

‘True. Ok. Am off. If you hear an ambulance it’s for me or for them. Depending on my mood later on.’

‘You ate the pain au chocolat?’

‘Yes, I loved it and I hate you for it.’

‘You’re welcome. Looking forward to tonight.’

‘At least someone is. Grrrrrr, I feel so ugly today.’

‘You’re gorgeous.’

‘Making it worse. Just hug me and shut up. But don’t touch my hair. And don’t squeeze me.’

You are out the door.

Sometimes you are my feverishly ambitious high strung obsessive bat girl.

As in bat shit crazy.

And I love you for it.