We somehow try to convince ourselves and the people around us that we are worth something. Some do that by joining an extreme political movement, see my post on the Flemish group Schild en Vrienden, some do that by showing off their muscles (as my dad did when he was 35), some do it by trying to make as much money as possible (that’s the road I am on) or showing off their skills, some try it by owning a fancy car, beating others at games or by having a fancy house or other possessions. Some try to sleep with as many women as possible (tried that, makes you feel good for a while, tends to anger lots of folks though and it takes up an exorbitant amount of time).

The louder and tougher we act the more insecure we are. Funny how women don’t see through that and fall for vain guys (and won’t even admit they fall for them)

Especially today examples of super succesful guys fly all around us and we wish it would be us hitting the jackpot. Not Bill Gates, not Zuckerberg, not Musk, etc We want to make it. And even if we claim we are satisfied with a simple, insignificant life that we won’t be remembered for, inside we suffer. We all suffer if we’re not top of the food chain. I swear you can measure this in blood tests, how good a guy feels about himself, I swear their will be a strong link with where he sees himself on the social ladder.

The struggles of today’s men aren’t that much different from guys in ancient times. We want to shine. If we’re honest. We want to be hot shots. And in the end, of course, we are just average. And especially in today’s society most jobs require our feminine side. We have to smile when we don’t want to smile, be polite at all times, and we are forced to hunt paper, not deer. Plus we hardly ever are part of a team that depends on every member for its sheer survival. Maybe men today are kinda sad, because their material comfort is almost a guarantee, but spiritually there’s nothing, no happiness, a void, they don’t feel part of a larger community, they are on their own. So many of us become so, so vain and arrogant to delude ourselves that we are great, that we are special. But we are mostly missing a collective set of values. That explains the rise of extremist groups, they provide that higher common goal. Today’s goals are individual goals. It explains why Trump’s slogan ‘make America great again’ was so great again, the people who voted for them are the victims of hyperindividualism, but they don’t realize that, Trump in his slick, instinctive way gave the down-trodden a common goal again, however vaguely defined, emotionally it was magnetic. Important note: often we want to shine so much that we will do anything that will get us applause, meaning that in the long run we end up with lives we don’t want, we just got them while running after other people’s approval.

We don’t have rite of passage, a ceremony, a test, that shows us the older men accept us, as boys, as men. So important, so lacking in our culture. We also don’t pass on a clear set of values to boys anymore.

We often think about giving society a positive direction, but we are distracted and in the end choose to invest our energy in other things, making excuses for our lack of engagement.