Am not going to share anything about the private life of my friends since not everyone is just an unhinged exhibitionist as myself (that’s a joke, I neither consider myself to be unhinged nor am I an exhibitionist, am actually quite shy at times!!).
We talked about this blog, among many other things.
Conclusions as to this website:
there is no way this blog can be a success.
Wrong platform. No niche. How would people even find this blog?
And why would anyone except for a few close friends maybe be interested in my life – unusual though it may be.
It makes total sense that most people find this blog only by googling sex terms such as ‘female friendly porn gifs’ or ‘hottest sexual fantasy’ or ‘how to fuck a woman’s brains out.’
I mean… Who is going to google ‘teaching from 10 am to 10 pm’.
Am basically sharing my own experience of being a human being. I doubt many people can relate to the way my life is set up and I certainly don’t know how to make it catchy. So… since am not a crazy idiot I will have to stop doing that and put my – seriously boundless – energy into other things.
That leads us to: why do I even do it?
It mostly comes from a place of neediness. That’s also why it’s not working.
I am convinced that succesful things come from a place of genuine passion. There IS genuine passion in most posts, but most likely overshadowed by the neediness.
I do this in the hopes of escaping.
Escape from what?
Boredom, drudgery, lack of glamorous options…
On the surface it doesn’t look like it, but am very bored and at the same time very scared of what may come. Inflation scares the hell out of me. To name just one thing.
I am not entirely sure what I would do if – let’s daydream – this blog would get me six million dollars.
(six million dollars being the amount a famous author mentioned as his earnings for one bestseller)
I think I’d start spending my spending in more than just one country. I’d buy a place next to the Danube in Bratislava, but I would also want to live in the US, Germany and perhaps even Spain for some time each year. Like two months here, three months there, then a month there, etc.
Purely theoretically I could do that poor as a church mouse, but that idea scares me even more than inflation already does.
Plus, I am committed to seeing my son every day. So just… day dreaming.
I started this blog years ago with the intention of creating value for people, but I don’t think I am.
I could use statistics to claim that this blog is a success. So far most months got around and above 10,000 visitors – when I started out even getting 100 visitors in one day seemed like the Mount Everest – , but that doesn’t mean much at all.
Or I just suck at gratitude or nothing is ever enough. All possible.
Am gonna keep experimenting with writing until am satisfied with the result.
That could be never, yes, but I’ll keep trying.
From a place of passion, not neediness.
That’s the fucking challenge.
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