These days male desire is evil and any thoughts on how to ‘get’ a woman are close to being considered a criminal offense. Unless the guy is a stud, a billionaire and a character in a steamy series that is driven by the desire of the woman, not the man. Women love seduction, but only the top ten percent of the most attractive men are allowed to have anything to do with seduction.

The rest should just disappear, be ‘good’ guys and accept their non-attractive fate. Guys sitting around thinking about strategies to build intimacy (which is much, much broader than merely sex) are instantly seen as douchebags. The reverse is not true. Women are not judged for thinking about how to attract a great guy. For example: if the female lead of the show sex life were a man and her husband and lover were women it would be considered a sexist outrage. That’s one of the many ways our culture is filled with hypocrisy.

For context: Jared and I meet at least once a week for an English lesson. Since we’re friends we also meet outside of our weekly classes. Sometimes up to three times a week.

We are similar in several ways. We both like facts too much for our own good, we analyze things more than we take execute anything, we have above average self-discipline, we can be systematic, but also too rigid and not fluid enough to attain amazing levels of success. You get the picture. Two overly energetic nerds.

To be honest, I am SICK AND TIRED of this topic. Attraction, seduction, flirting, pick- up artistry and the silly lingo that goes with it…

But the topic keeps popping up. Partly because my friend Jared is, well, OBSESSED and keeps drawing my attention to this stuff.

Enough for intros, here is the MEAT of this post:

As of 2005 I started using ‘game strategies’ to seduce women. I had no idea this was being called ‘game’ at the time. A very slender Dutch book ‘in the tracks of Cassanova’ did help me a lot and opened a new world to me, but looking back it was extremely basic. Still, I thought I had developed my own unique strategy to seduce women.

Wrong. In the US and who knows where else some guys were perfecting a strategy sometimes called ‘the mystery method’. Being a romantic at heart I always stuck to one main girl and some on the side. My objective has never been to score one-night-stands. At the time I didn’t see anything wrong with ‘cheating’. I even hated that word. I still do actually, but for different reasons.

Am trying to get my scatterbrain to focus.

Give me a second.


Today I would call that the manipulative strategy. You don’t show your intent immediately. It is indeed like a game. You push and pull. You punish and reward. You intentionally create tension. You get her into a state of ‘does he like me or does he not like me?’

I find this to be very tedious, repetitive, dishonest and silly.

It does work if done right. It’s like a skill you can train. It follows a clear pattern. I think I have described this pattern in much older posts. I could write a new post describing this ‘game’ strategy.

It is the strategy that Jared wants to be good at. He’s not. But he got a lot better at it then when we met.

For years I have been trying to teach him my new method and he’s basically been successful at making me teach him the manipulative method cause he believes in that one a lot more. In fact, he’s convinced that this is the only right way to go about it.

When I tell him I have been doing the exact opposite for years he says I am an exception and have somehow found a way to make a doomed strategy work for me. I completely disagree. I AM NOT AN EXCEPTION. I am convinced my strategy works for everyone if it comes from a genuine place.

Here it is.

For many years my idea has been the following, I got it from a book, but it immediately resonated with me:


My friend Jared says this makes absolutely no sense to him.

Although it sounds as simple and logical and natural to me as can possibly be it is indeed a bit tricky to try and explain this.

I believe that if you feel genuine love for a woman and you express that unabashedly she WILL respond favorably eventually. She may be overwhelmed at first, but if you are determined and NOT NEEDY (that is for sure a key component of this approach) she will warm up to you.

Jared disagrees. It’s not what he enjoys doing. My idea is that he has simply never met a woman for whom he feels genuine love, therefore it has so far been impossible for him to go for this approach.

This also means that Jared tries with way, way, way more women than I do.

I don’t.

I only talk to the ones I really like.

That’s almost… nobody.

But when I do meet someone I like am fairly certain something will happen. Cause it’s about real attraction.

Also: when nothing at all happens I realize I wasn’t really attracted, but trying to convince myself I was. Cause I do lose patience and hope to meet someone I am really attracted to.

It can’t be forced.

Perhaps the biggest difference between Jared and I right now when it comes to this is:

He is convinced it can be forced.

I am saying it can be forced only with the wrong women for you.

I’ve met only a handful of women I feel that massive attraction to that tells me something is bound to happen between us. The last one I felt this for was the strongest attraction so far. We met in the worst possible circumstances AND me being unhappy about myself is a very bad combo to keep the woman of your dreams in your life.

My idea is that when you live your passion and you are happy on your own, stoked about your own life a great woman that is compatible with you will turn up when you are NOT looking for her.

I have always met the best women where I was expecting to meet them the least.

That includes the last one to rock my world.

Jared disagrees.

Am still giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe am dead wrong and this whole philosophy of mine is just an excuse of mine to not actively look for women.

Nothing ever happens when I do this, but am going to do it anyway:

Any thoughts, dear reader?

Non-judgmental and non-aggressive ones, please, cause I know this topic triggers a lot of toxic shit in people who have been badly hurt.


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