While I was reading the book The tamed man by Esther Vilar I kept wondering:
How the hell did this get published?
It’s a book from the seventies so I seriously can’t imagine any established publishing house publishing it now. Then again… My copy is a fairly recent edition. Maybe it’s all less controversial than I suppose. The writer did receive death threats after she wrote books like this one.
Here are some takeaways:
- Men are raised by their mother to become entirely dependent on compliments. According to her girls are less dependent on this compliments and copy mummy and so they early on learn to give those same compliments. This is one factor that makes women more powerful than men. Men need constant compliments from their women.
- Because women tend to want sex less than men they have the power. Men have to toe the line if they want to have sex. Women can have sex anytime they want.
- According to Esther Vilar sex is most likely the highest pleasure a man can experience. Not so for women. She says women like sex, absolutely, but not more than they like shopping for a new pair of boots. The less they have it the less the crave it. Not so with men. So naturally men can be dictated by women in the hopes of getting sex.
- That there are many more holding powerful positions in our society is not proof that women are not the powerful ones. She gives the example of the wife of a succesful businessman immediately having the same status as her husband. She shares in the success, and at the same time she doesn’t risk any criticism cause she is not doing the work. Her husband is. The same is true if she is the wife of a surgeon, lawyer or important politician. His success automatically contributes to her status and the respect she will get. The same is not true for men with successful spouses.
- According to Esther Vilar women are primarily looking for a man to take care of her materially. If a woman can choose between a 50 year rich guy and a 30 year old with not money, she will of course go for the rich guy. It’s not a downside that the older guy’s libido is lower than the young man. Again, women don’t care too much about sex.
- The passages where Esther Vilar keeps calling women intentionally dumb and lazy and unwilling to work are at times painful and enraging to read. Esther Vilar says that men are the first to claim that women are being suppressed. They like to believe in the myth of their own power. They like to think women do all the nasty household chores. What men don’t know – according to Esther – is that women quite enjoy doing those things and certainly prefer it over having serious responsibility at work. If given the option she will want to stay at home and let her husband bring in the money.
- If that option is not open to her she will start to rationalize. She will turn her lack of options into a story that makes her look good. Instead of admitting she doesn’t have the option to stay home she will claim how she wants to further her education or change the world or something.
- Vilar claims that women are never active in fighting for a cause unless there is a guy they are looking to seduce involved. So if they go to an anti-war protest they do so because they know all the interesting boys will be there.
- Esther Vilar says women DO NOT love babies. They only love their own babies. She says that if women truly cared about babies they would make very different choices in life. She says that all the money women spend on lipstick and make-up and creams and soaps can easily safe all the starving babies in the world.
- She says that the Church actively helps to keep the hidden matriarchat system in place. Women don’t mind that they can’t be priests, because men preaching to other men how they have to be monogamous and be loyal to women are much more convincing than if women would do that. Priests are the helpers of women to maintain their power over men. And it’s not just priests.
- Since women actually control the expenditures of a household much more than their men the media, the advertising world, etc cater to women’s ideas and preferences. In the media you will therefore constantly get stories about how men are brutes who abuse women. Men eagerly read these stories and treat women as a poor being that needs their protection. That’s how women have men by the balls. Those same media will never report how men slaving away for women and their offspring live so much shorter and so much more miserable lives. Men are needy creatures who can never satisfy their needs but keep running in a treadmill in the hopes that maybe some day they will be granted a few moments of satisfaction. Esther Vilar also describes the corporate world as hell on earth, but women just go there to socialize and flirt. It’s the men who do the real work.
- She goes on to say that politicians are held to a standard of monogamy. As an example to the other men. To keep them in line. This was written 40 years before the Trump presidency, so perhaps things have changed.
- On almost every page she calls women dumb and uncreative. Most inventions are made by men to serve women.
- If a woman develops her intellect then it’s because she is ugly. Or perhaps because a pretty woman knows she can have an even better man if she gets a degree.
- Rich men can afford to be polygamous. Not so rich men who are thrifty and have a decent income can ditch their woman for a younger one by the time they are fifty. The first wife doesn’t mind this too much as long as she keeps being financially supported. Often she at the very least gets the house and the man moves somewhere else with his younger one.
- Because women present themselves two men in two conflicting roles – somehow who wants to protected but also a sex object – men end up with a really messed up sexuality. When they become prude it’s because they can’t handle it anymore. They start to attack and suppress their own sexual urges. They do this by letting themselves be enslaved to a woman who tends to care very little about his sexual needs and in the end can also no longer satisfy them even if she would want to. To her a man’s looks do not matter too much and she will easily ditch a man if she can find a more secure provider.
One comes away reading this book with the feeling that men are destined to feel trampled upon, their sexual needs never met. Only the rich can get the perfect sex object they so desire. All the other men have to settle for what they can have. At the same time women are also doomed, because they have to cash in on their looks. They have to sell themselves – their looks – to the highest bidder. Men are miserable, but unattractive women are almost just as miserable.
Reading this book as a man you wish you never had a libido so you would never have to deal with this shit.
Her ‘bright’ message is that one doesn’t need to pity men because their entire upbringing has conditioned them to seek enslavement by a woman. And to protect. Over time he loses sexual interest in the woman, but when there are children he is now bound to her through those children.
She also explains how women have actually had every chance to have more visible power but they have chosen not to. She likes to mention the fact that women rarely become active in labour unions. She says more women than men oppose the right to have an abortion. Her basic theory is that women have enormous benefits in a system that looks like a patriarchat, but that is actually a matriarchat. It’s the women who have power over the men. It’s very comfortable to let men live in the illusion that they are the stronger sex, the ones in charge, and let them do almost all the dangerous work, let them have mind numbing jobs and let them spend their money on women and their children. If women are not more represented in high positions in our society it’s because women don’t see the need.
Those are the views of Esther Vilar. Her book is an attack on women as devious tricksters who tame men to do what they want. The book is not kind towards men either. She writes that men are interesting in everything, are always ready to study things and are creative, but at the same time they are ridiculous beings that let them be enslaved by women in return for nothing as basic as ‘the periodic use of their vagina’.
Esther Vilar would probably say I have excepted my own conditioning too much, but I think 40 years later we have evolved at least a little bit. In her book she claims that women never spend their money on anyone except themselves. There are of course many examples of hard working single women today who would rather go hungry themselves than to deny anything to their children. It may be true that all these women would settle for a rich man if they only could, but these women do provide for their families. What’s true is that I have never met a happy career woman. But I rarely meet happy career men either, so maybe happiness is not possible in our system unless you don’t take it seriously.
Esther Vilar claims that only men spend money on their families. Therefore an employer is right when he fires women, because they don’t make money for anyone except themselves. I think there are more and more cases of young men refusing to have families and preferring to spend their money on their hobbies. Maybe this is a results of the dynamics Esther Vilar described 40 years ago. Maybe men are opting out. Escaping. The lose the magnetic allure of the ‘periodic use of a vagina’, but they win their freedom.
I think this will be only the exceptions and I do agree with Esther Vilar that men seek to be enslaved by a woman they desire.
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