The water bill will bankrupt you.

The planet needs an extra rainforest to keep up with the amount of toilet paper you need.

This does not get mentioned enough, but Slovak communist plumbing is really great. In Greece our toilet would have been totally plugged already.

When you enter a room with your shoes on they scream in high pitced tones which will wreck your ears, because it seems you have just pulled a mini-Chernobyl on them. Oh, the shocking level of contamination!!!! TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES!!!!

In Slovakia not taking off your shoes around the house is the Belgian equivalent of serving French Fries without mayonaise.

You will miss not having a garden to pee in when they hog the bathroom in the morning (and the evening).

For the past two weeks I have been living together with the Slovak version of Monica -but totally not competitive when playing games – and Phoebe -with a violin, not a guitar- from Friends.

Am still looking for Rachel, but she’s suspiciously absent.

Rachel, will you be there for me too?

Which would make me a mixture of Joey, Chandler and Ross.

I overeat.

I use humor as a shield. Could that BE more obvious??

I am a nerd.

I love dinosaurs. I mean Civil War generals.

On the bright side:

  • They bring you tea
  • The purify your skin
  • They cook for you. They even cook something just for you when they are eating the Slovak national dish, Bryndzove halusky. (Imagine a bit of cat vomit)
  • They have a totally unmasculine amount of patience when listening to your problems, challenges, frustrated ambitions…
  • They don’t allow you to eat alone
  • They compare the pics on your identity cards to serial killers
  • They cosy up and watch series in the evening
  • They do the shopping
  • They get you avocados
  • They bake desserts
  • They don’t have fragile male egos to make any sort of discussion impossible from the start
  • Everything smells nice

So no one told you life was gonna be this way…

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