I got this from the book ‘Lost connections’ by Johann Hari. It really resonated with me.

I chat a lot. A hell of a lot. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. On Whatsapp and on Messenger.

Why is it a bit like porn?

Because porn caters to a need, without fulfilling that need. You need sex, you need sensuality, tenderness, you want to forget by locking into an other being, someone who can make you forget everything for a moment. But when that’s not there, you can turn to porn. It’s like drinking salt water when you’re thirsty. You can fool yourself for a short bit that you have satisfied a need, but in reality you’ve made it much worse.

The same with chatting. Nothing can replace physically being with a person. Seeing them, seeing their body language, their tone of voice, making eye contact, touching perhaps, decoding facial expressions. No chat, not even video chat can replace that.

So I have decided to chat less.

If people want to know what’s going on with me, they will have to take the ultimate test to show they care: free up time and meet up with me. Or vice versa. I know that’s not always possible, but it’s much more possible than we want to admit. It’s easier to chat than to organize a meeting, just like it’s much easier to open a porn site than it is to strike up a conversation with a stranger you find attractive.

In general: what comes easy doesn’t satisfy you in the long run, quite the contrary.

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