Panic hits me near dawn

bewildering like the Mongol horde

Am caught en passant like a pawn

only now, briefly, I recognize the Lord

The coast is clear at about ten

am sane enough to leave my den

fear fades, droning desire steps in

the rush of seduction replaces the imaginary battle din

am I the source of my raging cravings

or is it all just hormonal?

I soak up horrific stories, mankind’s lashings

supplied by German docus and a night shifting doctor friend to feel sorta normal

am re-awakened by a 19 year old writer

I am the candle, she the reluctant lighter

am trying to relive and mend

my stray and bumpy, wasted youth

by trying to water her bashful budding blossoms with tenderness and hard-earned life experience

her heart, well of sweet and sour taste for life I try to loot

offering her a throne in my seasoned skull

yet the foxy lady has no need for my caresses marinated in pseudo-science

I march off with gifts for a student

riding a tram full of exhausted salary addicts who worry about making rent

Let me cheer someone up today

I never want anyone to feel like me, frantic and nowhere to flee, embattled like a scarecrow in Confederate gray