I hear lots of personal stories, stories people do not share that often.
One I heard a couple weeks ago was this one.
A lady gets married to a guy. An unemployed artist. He could talk about many different topics, which was attractive at first, but after a while she starts noticing that the entire relationship is always centered around him. He only needs her for sex. Of course, a woman who is emotionally ignored by a man loses all sexual interest in that man. The marriage broke down. Now he pretty much ignores their son, but at least he’s paying monthly support.
At first I was annoyed by this guy, who ignores his son, can’t communicate, and clearly fears intimacy.
The she told me that his older brother regularly forced him to have sex with him.
Their father found out and punished the brother by banishing him to a different country.
Am guessing that the fact that these transgressions were punished and that their father reacted more or less ok, the fact that the boy was heard and believed, helped to make the trauma less, but too little was done to really prevent the experience of growing into an emotional tumor.
Of course, this changes the picture. It would be exceptional if after experiences like this someone would be able to function smoothly and would have no intimacy issues.
He needs to see a psychotherapist, or to have some healing experience (not only psychotherapists are capable of mending a broken soul).
It made me realize once again that when we hear about people or meet people, we see only the tip of the iceberg and we are so quick to judge.
The sad part is that what happens to one person has a ripple effect.
His own son is growing up without a real father, so that will likely have a profound influence on him and perhaps on his own children later.
It would be nice if people would only have children when they have sorted out their demons, so as to at least not pass on all the hurt.
I was again grateful that someone decided to share such an intimate story with me, and it helps me stay aware of how much shit people are dealing with.
It’s like all of humanity is caught up in a circle of emotional wounds. The good news is that one healed human being also will have a ripple effect on his or her environment. I believe that we are improving, slowly, by mending the broken one by one. Despite socio-economic trends that are creating more hurt and making it harder to raise families in comfortable circumstances.