I make my money by teaching, occasionally through writing a play and translating, and by transforming people’s mud into gold (am a therapist in the evening).
I mention that first, because the first thing we want to know in the plutocracy that is our world, is how the new person we meet makes his or money.
Am not joking. Audiences lose all interest if the profession or source of income or at least a clear hint as to the financial circumstances of the main character in a movie, book or play are not clear after twenty minutes into the story.
So depending on how much social status a person requires to be still worthy of your attention, we can continue.
Perhaps bullet points will be handier. When human beings want to make a point abundantly clear they like to use bullets. I don’t. Perpetually enamored by words.
A person will always find the time for you if he/she really cares. Not that many people really care. Blame Dunbar’s number if you like.
Getting annoyed from the omnipresent ‘entrepreneurs’, mindfulness coaches, business gurus, etc. Basically, people selling you air, just because they’ve tanked the mania vibe from such mildly charismatic people as Tony Robbins or Brendon Burchard.
I’m a superficial bastard just like most people, in the sense that I will invest way more of my time, energy, creativity and attention in you if you happen to be a physically attractive woman IF you are also a kind person. I’m superficial, but not so superficial that external beauty makes me entirely blind to your personality.
My life was certainly a lot more fun and satisfying before internet became such a perversely prevalent and distracting pile of poo.
I’ve given up on reading the news, because it makes me sick and because my reading about yet an other innocent Palestinian child kidnapped and or murdered by the IOF (Israeli Oppressive Forces) doesn’t do a damn thing to stop it from happening.
I’ve also given up trying to convince people of anything, because everyone believes what he wants to believe on a purely emotional basis and then looks for facts to prove that emotional stance like a lawyer in court would do. See books by Jonathan Haidt. My father in law calls it living in a ‘post-factual era’. Not only do the facts no longer matter, but also: nobody can truly keep fact and fiction from blurring. In the end emotional viewpoints prevail.
I’m superficial in the sense that I’m happy if I can look at some hot, intelligent woman with a great heart, but with some cruelty in her as well. Ultimately I don’t care about much else. I do not need you to crucify me, I am perfectly capable of doing it myself.
I keep being shocked by the fact that:
- People are willing to trade 40 or more hours of their time to do dehumanizing stuff in order to pay for their survival and some vapid form of entertainment. Life is so short and people choose to spend a big chunk of that time sitting in offices staring numbers and often fighting little wars among the colleagues. Is that really what human life should be about?
- Why can’t the human race, with its unprecedented mental capacity, not come up with a system that ensures we have to spend drastically less time doing stuff we hate and instead do stuff we truly enjoy? Personally, I think it’s possible, along with Stephen Hawking and Peter Joseph and David Graeber. We can eliminate bullshit jobs. It’s the rich who grow richer from these silly jobs that will not allow us to change to a economic system that will free up most -not all- of our time. It’s they that control the news we feed ourselves with. Why do not more people see this? Most news is free for a reason. Somebody wants you to read that shit.
- We keep sharing one picture after an other of cats while 6000 girls have their clitoris savagely chopped off every single day. That we do not collectively stand up to do something about things like that is unforgiveable in my book. And when I point this out some very priveleged, very white, very western ladies say I have to shut up, that it’s just ‘a cultural thing’ that I do not understand. What’s there to understand? A young girl is violently tied down on the cold floor and an old woman with dirty hands drives a piece of glass in her genitals. A young child who has no say in the matter. The moment two educated ‘friends’ of mine defended that practice I was -almost- ready to finally give up on humanity. I get like that seven times a week and it lasts about 24 hours every time.
- It’s a sad truth that if I had spent all the time I spent on this website bodybuilding, running, shopping for clothes, going out to bars, I would be infinitely more popular and better liked and much more respected than I am now. Every day I want to quit writing and every day I find myself at it again. Ultimately it’s just the only thing that eases depression.
- Even though I know: if you want different results you have to stop doing what you have always done.
- Some people take a scroll through my website and dismiss me as a macho. Weird. I’m the opposite of a macho and way more sensitive than I would like to be.
- I wish more people realized that our opinions are formed by the dominant class in society, trickle down opinions.
- I wish we would make make absolutely sure nobody goes hungry or cold, something we could arrange if we really wanted to, but I guess we don’t.
Questions to ask yourself:
- Is what you do every day really getting you some place you want to go?
- Does it change anything?
- Where is your focus?
- In what way are you contributing?
- What is something you can start doing today that will improve the quality of your life in the long run?
- Is it making you unhappy? What’s stopping you from stopping?
- Who are the people you really care about? And are you spending your time with them or with others?
People come and people go, but I really wish some of that went would have stayed.
Sometimes I want to spend more time with a person than that person is willing to spend with me. And the other way around. Both situations sadden me, and there’s nothing to be done about it. Sometimes I run away from people that become clingy and addicted to me, and sometimes people run away from me, because, if I could, I would spend a day a week with them, just listening to them and looking at them, having fun with them. But if that’s no their idea of fun I have to respect that. Just as some people do respect that I feel no need to accept all their invitations. I can’t even explain why it so rarely happens that two people completely agree on how much time they want to invest in their relationship to each other.
Sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, inside and out, that this person reminds you of everything you could be and aren’t. You wish you were more, so you could offer that beautiful person your best you. And in the end you have to choose, do the work and realize your potential or cut that person who painfully reminds you of all that you could be, out of your life. Usually people choose the second option. I know I have done this at least once.
I’ve hurt a couple of people in my life, but mostly because I can’t be monogamous. Am deeply sorry this hurts people, because I can easily be polyamorous. I love all my ex girlfriends. Even that one I don’t have among my Facebook friends.
I do not see love as a finite resource. I do not see loving a person as treating that person as your colony for your own exclusive exploitation. To me that’s not love, that’s the relationship a small child has to its toy. Most people don’t agree with me on this because they don’t want to examine if their ‘love’ is not just egocentric possessiveness. The way we limit love is like a symbol for how everything in our society works: strict ownership, rules, restrictions, envy, jealousy, punishing for someone’s good, limitations and a spirit of lack, not abundance.
I regret not having been part of a movement to change the world for the better. In my era there are no mass protests against the Vietnam war. I would have had to fly to New York a couple years ago to be part of the Occupy movement, or I should have gone to help Bernie Sanders on the campaign trail. He’s not perfect, but he’s a lot better than all the others that ran for president, except for Jill Stein. But how would I have funded those activities? I am notoriously bad at making money. When it comes to money, I survive because I have extremely generous fans.
I often feel like I am in the most boring place in the most boring time ever. I mean, about 50 years ago Russian tanks were rolling through the streets of the city where I live. Now nothing happens. Just lots of people complaining about dull politicians that are a mirror of themselves, they allowed these people to come to power. Am surrounded by people who work hard during the week and go mountain climbing in the weekend and they see this as the highest form of existence. It makes me want to cry. Just please, if this is life, and it seems to be so, then please don’t let me wake up tomorrow. ‘I wish I was like you, easily entertained’.
I’m sure all those positivity peddlers on social media are full of shit. They’re either trying to sell something or trying to convince themselves that right under the surface they’re not completely miserable. All the truly happy people I know have one thing in common: they’re extraordinarily silent on social media, they’re too busy being… happy. If you’re truly so happy about playing on the beach with your children, how on the sand have you found the time to stylize the ‘perfect’ post on Facebook, live, as all the happiness was unfolding.I don’t have pictures of any of the moments I felt most alive, pictures were the furthest from my mind, I was too busy living.
Oh, if you ever publicly state you would actually prefer to die because you’re bored of everything and of how incompatible you are with the current social cultural climate only three people out of hundreds of people you regularly interact with will express any concern. Only those three people are welcome at my funeral. The rest clearly didn’t care when I was alive, so please, let them stay home when am dead. I can afford a champagne party for three people, that’s the advantage.
I feel like I was snatched away from some groovy hippie free love party somewhere back in 1968 thinking the world was magical place, bound to only get better, and was then thrown back on earth in 2017, with people who don’t need connections as much as they need material gain, and who put restrictions on all kinds of positive human emotions and experiences.
Am like stuck in the nightmarish future…