Not walking the dog. Not shaking hands with the bishop. Not fixing the fountainhead. Not stroking yourself into oblivion. Not rubbing one out.

Abstaining from masturbation, possibly from ejaculation in general, but usually just from ejaculation through masturbation, that’s no fap. And it’s more in vogue, at least on the internet, than it ever was in any catholic monastery.

The theory is that if you ejaculate during sex with a partner your body produces a different set of hormones than when you are flying solo. These hormones empower you, whereas the masturbational hormones destroy you. They ruin your Qi, to use a Chinese concept.

Is there any science to back this up? I suppose we would have to ask an endocrinologist.

Note that the guys who practice no fap keep their swimmers off the launching pad to get certain benefits, not for any moral reasons.

The benefits are often said to be amazing. Critics dismiss any effects as placebo. Even if it is placebo, the results seem impressive. The guys who do it, well, who do NOT do it, are wildly enthusiastic.

The nofappers usually say that the body needs an enormous amount of energy to create sperm, if you keep it in that force can be used differently. The energy that’s saved will be used to become active and creative, and to seek out females to have real sex with.

The magic keyword seems to be ‘self-control’. The theory is: if you can discipline yourself not to masturbate, this impressive self-control will spill over into other areas of your life.

A fascinating pro argument is the following: when you ejaculate on your own, you wash your brain with dopamines. But you didn’t have to make any effort to get those happiness chemicals. This is not good. No pain, no gain. Easy come, easy go. What comes easy to a human, without effort, comes to bite you in the ass. That’s the theory. It sends the wrong signal to your nervous system. Now you just want more and more ‘free’ dopamines. If you cut off (figure of speech) this source of free dopamines, you activate your whole being to make an effort to get ‘paid for’ dopamines. Which involves doing something far more challenging than switching on some free internet porn.

Common benefits abstainers mention are:

  • Weight loss
  • More confidence when interacting with women
  • No sugar cravings
  • More energy
  • Better sleep
  • More women that flirt with them and are drawn to them
  • Much more productivity
  • Finding a girlfriend after a couple weeks of no fap
  • Lots of ideas and creativity

Lots of guys are posting exhaustive lists of all the benefits they say they are experiencing.

One of the most impressive lists, is the one posted by a guy named ‘bhuvan’, who says he is a ‘fapstronaut’. Here are the 40 benefits that Bhuvan says come with ‘no fap’.

1) Clarity of mind, no mental clutter

2) Better stamina in sports

3) Absence of depression, as in “there’s actually nothing wrong with me”

4) Better short term memory, grasp conversations, sharp and clear mind

5) Feeling worthy of hottest girls

6) Interacting with people goes from nuisance to fun activity

7) Facial hair grows faster

8) Music sounds better

9) Being cool with awkward situations

10) Past events are remembered better

11) Movies watched in one sitting, rather than interrupting it with distractions

12) Feeling of being really alive and feeling of having/being a powerful spirit

13) Better looking skin

14) Free, genuine belly laugh

15) Appreciation and admiration of women’s inner and outer beauty

16) Less sleep is needed to feel rested

17) Much less irritability

18) Destructive erections

19) Improved chest, neck and shoulders musculature (without exercise in a particular case)

20) Vibrant and alive looking eyes

21) Voice is now clear

22) Reduced rage and anger

23) Movies, novels and art are appreciated much more

24) Better dream recollection

25) More wisdom on various subjects, without actually studying them. As in mind gets better at making connections.

26) Easier to get up in the morning

27) Like Neo in the Matrix, getting heightened senses and intuition

28) Enjoying company of kids and older folks

29) No more craving for sugar and alcohol

30) Urge to expand your mind

31) No more angry outbursts around the family

32) “Annoying” things females do are now appreciated

33) A tangible magnetic connection with chicks

34) Chores are now easier to perform

35) Seeing “big picture” in life better

36) Ability to look at women and feel her, sense if her energy is good or bad

37) Ability to relate chicks like friends and seeing them flock to you

38) Nothing stresses you out anymore

39) Men respect you more

40) Men flinch in your presence”

So what do you think? Are you going to sleep with your hands above or under the covers tonight? To fap or not to fap, that’s the question, chap.