The bright yellow spot in a movie that sucked :: It’s all about the Yugo

I’m not one of those ‘the book was so much better than the movie’ whinos, I whine about a lot of things, but de facto preferring the book over the movie version is not one of them. In fact, it’s often the other way around. I tend to first watch the movie and then read the book. If I’m going to invest my time in reading an economically useless act such as reading a novel, I want some insurance that I’m going to like the novel. If I love the movie, I almost always like the book as well.

This one, ‘Nick & Norah’s infinite playlist’ was an exception. I read the book first. You can read my sloppy review here. I didn’t know there was a movie version of the book until I was done reading it. I stole the movie on internet. Yes, yes, it’s stealing and I’m deeply ashamed of it. My lame excuse is that I’m poor. I’m also honest, I have to, I run a blog called project authenticity in case you haven’t noticed.

Zuzana and I started watching it yesterday evening, when we decided against going to the ‘don’t follow rules, but stay well within the confines of capitalist servitude and load up on alcohol’ Bad moms movie. My wife and I habitually fail to watch movies together. In the early stages of our relationship we always stopped for horizontal refreshments, these days we are just too distracted by work related matters and bureaucracy and other grown-up matters. This time a lonely and bored friend came over. Well, you all know this just as well as I do: most people are lonely, bored and horny.

The same goes for the characters in this movie. Only, you don’t fucking feel it. The chemistry is not there. The male lead is sort of ok, mainly because he’s good at standing around looking insecure and he totally fits with the fucking awesome Yugo he’s driving. The bitch character is sort of hot looking, but her nose is too small and her hips are too skinny to really make my hormones go boogy-woogy. From the whole bunch I find she’s got the best acting energy though. The razzy award almost went to the drunk friend in the movie. It narrowly skips her to land land in the hand of the main actress.

The female lead stands around as though she’s acting in a highschool play and not a good one… It doesn’t help that they put a truckload of lipstick on her lips, it’s sort of distracting. You could write several chapters of the Bible on your bathroom mirror with the amount of lipstick on this girl’s lips. Though I have no idea why you would do that. Except out of sheer frigging boredom while you’re trying to watch this movie.

The whole thing feels like a bunch of scientists, nearing retirement and not nearly stoned enough, got together in a lab to produce a movie that would appeal to alternative emo kids. It fails miserably, apart from a couple of scenes. And the Yugo.

My God, the Yugo is the lead star of this movie, it blows everyone else away. I don’t even care that it’s yellow, the color that I hate the most in this world. Look up yellow in a dictionary, it’s no coincidence that it also means ‘cowardly’. But not here, the yellow Yugo, it just fits. It’s the only authentic thing about this whole movie. Don’t know what a Yugo is? It’s a communist car that was produced in relatively large number. If my leftist indoctrination doesn’t cheat me it went out of production when NATO bombed the shit of out Serbia. Read Michael Parenti’s book ‘To kill a nation: the attack on Yugoslavia’.

Should you watch this movie? Yes, if you want to make movies or if you are in the story-telling business, it will make you feel you can do better than this. Or if you like music made by lazy people. I was totally numb to the soundtrack.

Buy a Yugo.

Oh, and if you fancy a girl or a boy, just be damn up front about your sexual intentions, and don’t make it more complicated that it should be.

Live an authentic day.