I’ve seen too many long-legged Slovenky tanning near the lake, one in particular, in a black bikini and the right legs, though her nose was too small (I like big noses and I cannot lie) got stuck in my head, and there’s generally too little to do on a Sunday, so Zuzana wants to snap me out of it. ‘We can go see a movie’. Right, this is going to be one of those countless times we want to go the cinema, but end up not going.
Why? Because we’re not interested in a remake of Ben Hur. The original version -especially the chariot scene- has been glued to my eyes since I was four of five years old, and I doubt a remake can top that. By the way, did you know that Ben Hur was written by American Civil War general? Yup, Lew Wallace. See picture. Find him on Wikipedia
Anyway, Zuzana says she wouldn’t mind seeing ‘Rebel mums’, starring Mila Kunis and Christina Applegate. I sort of like both actresses. I quite liked ‘Friends with benefits’. What I didn’t like was ending up in a cinema for ‘Snow white and the huntsman’ or ‘If I stay’, surrounded by teenage girls under 18. We check the trailer.
Mila Kunis is a hardworking mum. Rushes and rushes. Gets all sort of crap over her face, but somehow her make-up never suffers, sweat never breaks across her brow, not a drop of it, and she keeps looking hot. You can sort of feel that this movie is a quickie for her and that she knows it’s about nothing. Wait, it’s not about nothing. It IS about something. Perhaps she even backs the message. The message clearly being: fuck all the rules, all the pressure, all the avoid gluten, don’t drink bottled water (cancer!), don’t drink tap water either unless you filter it (it’s full of female hormones!), avoid this and avoid that. And yes, there is an insane amount of pressure on parents to be great, especially women, but increasingly on men (at least that’s fair) So far, so good.
The alternative to the torrents of rules that get implanted in us? Just another set of rules: want to be a rebel? Grab for alcohol! Party! Get a fancy car! Go a little crazy whilst driving your kids to school! Have a big boozefest at home! Right, that’s all ow so rebellious. Really challenges the status quo. These rebel moms have the momentum of Spartacus, the Taborites (google them), Nat Turner, Boudica and William Wallace combined.
Though I agree the general food scare, paranoid health codex, slaving at unfulfilling office jobs and raising children as though you’re running your own version of the Nazi Lebensborn project for perfect little arians have gone waaaay too far, the alternative is not to just let your hair down and go boozing. Thank you very much.
Zuzana rolls her eyes. ‘Ok, we’re not going to see the latest propaganda flick’.
We’re staying in to watch ‘Er ist wieder da’.
There was one French movie in the Slovak cinemas that seemed to offer something remotely endearing, but it was cancelled. Probably for being French, probably for being a tiny bit original. Just a tiny bit of course, we all know that the little guy and the tall lady will live happily ever after.
The revolution will not be cinematized.
PS The not so ‘rebel moms’ trailer (and yes I know it’s called ‘bad moms’)