The most groundbreaking event of the day was of course Bruno’s first school day. I have written about this in a separate post and am not going to repeat that here.
I prepared classes for the rest of the week.
I was in touch with a woman who affects me very deeply, perhaps too deeply. I seem to have a special place in her life too, but I doubt she would ever lift a finger to truly be there for me. I do think we could have built something special together. There are things I offer her nobody else can and at the same time there are things I can’t offer that others do, such as a healthy family history or an amazing career with some status. To name just two things.
The time devoted to this woman did take up quite a bit of my time today.
I taught a class. The only one I didn’t move because I wanted to have enough time for Bruno, which I did.
I had a very intimate conversation with Zuzana. About our relationship, some of the things we went through together. We wrote the history of our relationship that we can both agree on. It was a very profound experience. Liberating in a sense.
I had therapy with the younger one of my two therapists. Today was a much better session than we had before.
When I go over this day I see how many emotional moments there were.
Zuzana and I looked for a flat where I will be living and teaching and be looking for a new woman in the future.
We find it very easy to agree on things like that and always function like a team. That’s highly unusual, I know.
She said that if I could have many women in far from optimal circumstances and with a bigger belly than I do now I can certainly get them going forward.
Well, ‘them’… I really need only one. THE one. Hey, you’re a die hard romantic or you aren’t.
It’s a terrifying thought to go look for someone who completes you in a world such as our own where so many people are so seriously fucked up that it’s almost impossible to find someone to build a happy, fulfilling relationship with, but as I keep growing and healing I want to believe I will meet healthier people too.
What made today ok, despite of a lot of sad shit going on inside me, is that Bruno had a very good first day in school, that Zuzana and I had a vitally important conversation, my therapy session did provide some insight ( I was basically programmed to live a Rock and Roll life style and die of an overdose at some point. Go out with a bang. Maybe that programme has to be changed) and led to some new tools. Interacting with my painfully gorgeous ex – or how should I call her – was sort of ok too. The one class I taught was a good class, in my opinion.
It’s true I expect a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot more, more, MORE, from a day, but a ‘normal’ person would call this an eventful day.
Not being one of those I’ll say: I have had worse days than this one.
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