I stopped working out consistently in the fall of 2008. I got back to it from time to time and then completely stopped about 2,5 years ago. I used to be fanatical about my diet, but that also changed and it got to be really bad as of 2013 or 2014.

I have gained weight. When I was in my best shape ever I weighed about 64 kg. Now I weigh somewhere around 85. That’s 21 kg in 15 years.

Still, technically am not obese.

I overate, for sure, and here in Slovakia I also started drinking. Sometimes two bottles of wine a day. Which is freakish to my standards. When I was a young man half a bottle would cause me to vomit. 3 half a liters of beer would make me vomit. Here in Slovakia I drank up to 12 and didn’t even notice a positive effect on my dopamine levels. When I order food online I will often order two meals just for me.

I am severely depressed and one of the ways I compensate for this mental torture chamber is by eating too much.

So why am I not fatter?

Many reasons.

– I never drink lemonade

– I don’t add sugar to anything

– I take ginseng and drink green tea

– I take the stairs

– I don’t mind walking. I walk fast. A three km (two miles?) walk is a short distance to me.

– I’ll eat croissants, but not chocolate croissants or any other filling

– I’ll eat chocolate, but again, just the plain kind, no fillings

– Am not into desserts

– I don’t care about ice cream. I eat ice cream maybe once a year or so

– I eat chocolate, but not candy

– I prefer whole grain pasta

– I avoid ‘fruit’ yoghurt which is just a sugar bomb. For a week or so I have avoided cheese and all yoghurt

– Am a very nervous person. Not every notices this, but am almost always on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I guess that burns some calories

– I used to have a very active sex life, which am sure burned lots of calories too

– maybe my metabolism is still faster because my body remembers my old habits (for about 10 years I ran more than 30 km every week at a decent pace) and used my bike to get me anywhere (not possible in Slovakia if I want to live)

– I like very spicy food. This doesn’t account for much, but it does burn a few calories here and there

– I overthink. I mean I overthink to the point of complete exhaustion every day of my life. This must eat calories

My waist line is shrinking now, because on top of all that I have cut out alcohol entirely and I have cut my intake of dairy by 90 percent. I also don’t eat chocolate on a daily basis anymore. I used to have 100 gr of chocolate for breakfast. You know, anything to give me quick dopamine hit to take the edge of this blinding depression.

I have bad habits, but there is still some ‘damage control’, let’s say.

A major influence in this depression is a woman with whom I was so in love that it truly shattered me when I lost her. I think the memories of her are now fading sufficiently for me to be able to put myself through the pain of kicking some bad habits.

Without serious blows I feel confident about not returning to alcohol, coffee and the worst parts of my depression diet.

I may even start running again.

Hope to have inspired you in some way by honestly sharing stuff about my life.


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