• Wear sweatpants in public, any time, any place
  • eat more garlic. No, more, way more, I can still see you before I smell you
  • Make cars your God
  • Don’t stop for zebra crossings
  • Enroll in a Golddigger academy in Moscow
  • Contact the local hotties to organize a photo shoot in Dubai. It seems to be a real thing now. It also involves getting caught and getting in trouble with the local authorities
  • Shave your head and get that surly skinhead look if you’re a guy
  • When involved in a war adopt a policy of massed frontal human wave assaults all the time
  • Work harder, like really a lot harder, and ask for a pay cut
  • Show more skin
  • eat more meat, especially ham
  • drink tea and instant coffee (no drip)
  • turn up the heating in your apartment till it’s a sauna
  • stop understanding sarcasm
  • love children a thousand times more than you do know