• Cut your hair as short as possible. Get dull conservative clothes. Stop smiling!
  • Get her an uneven bunch of flowers. An even number spells doom. They are superstitious.
  • Force them to speak English even if you know Russian. First of all, they are super hot with their Russian accent when they speak English. Second of all, your English will likely be better and it puts them in a submissive position. Which is what they crave so badly.
  • She will do all she can to impress you, so don’t ruin things for you by trying to impress her. A Russian woman is already convinced a man is better than a woman. Anything you say or do might wake her up to the reality that she’s been taught to believe a lie.
  • It all comes down to your ability to offer the promise of a comfortable life.
  • Don’t be good in bed. She will think you are gay.
  • Don’t treat her too nicely, but treat her ten percent better than the treatment she gets from the average Russian iceman. More than ten percent will make her think you are spineless.
  • Never treat her like she is the most important thing in your life. Treat her like an afterthought, but an afterthought you are willing to trust with your credit card.
  • Claim Dostojevski is the greatest writer who ever lived and from time to time recite some Pushkin. Don’t actually read books by these or other authors. Do you think the standard Russian oligarch spends his time reading the classics? Maybe Chodorkovsky, but that dude was in jail and had nothing else to do. You’re probably not an oligarch, but you don’t need to emphasize this by showing how familiar you are with the Russian classics.
  • Promise them a life in the United States

Yes, this is an entirely satirical post.

Women are women. They all just want one thing.

And that one thing is… the first thing that popped into your head while reading this.

Good luck!!

zuzi en ik

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