1. The therapist will tell you what you want to hear. Even if it’s criticism.
A therapist has a lot of empathy. A therapist wants to be liked. A therapist wants her client to think the therapist is special. A smooth therapist will even make it appear she is not afraid to be disliked by the client, but the objective is always the same: she wants to be liked by her client.
The therapist gives compliments. They don’t have to sound like compliments but they are. ‘You work too hard’, may sound like criticism, but it’s a compliment.
The client is almost always right and when he is not right it’s still to flatter the client.
Even smart clients fall for this. Only some of the smartest ones do NOT fall for this. Then the therapist is in trouble and when this trick doesn’t work she will get annoyed.
These compliments coming from someone the client accepts as an authority figure (WANTS to see as an authority figure) work like a drug. The client will repeat them to others.
In this way therapy works like a drug. Once hooked the client will seek therapy, therapeutic workshops, therapy work groups, etc for the rest of his life. Because a drug never solves anything permanently. It just creates a need for more.
Of course the therapist will emphasize how much the client is evolving.
Oh, an other indication that therapy can work like a drug is that a therapy client just like any junkie will try to convince non-users to also try it.
2. It’s a business
The economic aspect of therapy is underrated and underanalysed. The therapist needs the money her clients pay and – they will deny this – are limited in their authenticity because they don’t want to lose money.
This should be crystal clear, but clients tend not to see this or want to see this.
The fact that the client feels special tends to make sure that he idealizes the therapist.
3. Men who wish to impress their mother will pick a female therapist
Men insecure in their manhood will opt for a female therapist. This is because they know how to charm women and this makes the therapeutic process very safe. Picking a male therapist could be much more challenging. This is especially true if in the family the mother managed to have everything turn around her. These are often men who are almost incapable of building real friendships with men. The father was experienced as a non-entity. The client will spend his whole life seeking approval from women. Often from women who do not easily give that approval. (This is an example of humanity’s mysterious drive for trauma repetition.)
These men will also find it hard to express anger.
Of course the female therapist will gladly oblige and will give the warmth and attention the client craved to get from his mother.
People who had a very dominant parent, clients who their entire life tried to get the approval of at least one parent will make the perfect therapy client.
The client will constantly try to get the approval of the therapist and will be an easy client. He will never challenge the therapist nor seriously question the therapeutic process.
These clients are a therapist’s wet dream. Especially female therapists are very happy with this dynamic.
Even older, adult men start behaving like they are the therapist’s child. All this admiration intoxicates the therapist. What a power rush the therapist feels when a grown up male is like pudding in her hands!!!
4. After a while the client becomes even less self-aware than before the therapy started
In the process of therapy the client, with the help of the therapist, constructs a new self-image. Unless the therapist is a sociopath this will be a flattering self-image.
From then on the client looks for proof in his daily life that seems to confirm this new beloved self-image.
In the end an objective look at his own self is even less possible than before, because this flattering self-image has been confirmed by an authority figure the client idealizes.
5. When the client sees through the falsehoods of therapy the therapist has no answer
As soon as the client starts challenging the therapist the therapist will say that the client doesn’t really want to get better. The therapist becomes Pilatus who washed his hands in innocence.
Therefore most clients a therapist ends up seeing are rather tame approval seekers. These are often people who as children jumped through hoops to win the approval of a dominant parent but were satisfied in this need.
These are the ideal clients. They will enjoy the therapeutic process and will adore the therapist. For these clients the therapeutic process becomes something like conversations with a Goddess.
In life they will keep playing the role of the ‘perfect child’.