I have been struggling with coffee since 2006. The first time I quit was on a trip to Estonia. The night before I went running, I don’t remember how many miles. Maybe 8. That’s how hyper coffee made me. Not having such easy access to coffee while travelling made it easier to quit. It also turned me into a zombie for a few days and I hereby wish to apologize for my main travel buddy for making that trip less energized than it could have been. I fell asleep during a performance of the nutcracker. I heard old ladies say it was a scandal in Russian.

I managed to stay clean till the summer of 2007. Because I was in a lot of emotional pain and when I start drinking coffee it dulls my pain for a while.

After that I was on and off of the drug, but never longer than a few months.

Yesterday I quit once again. Of course there was the headache that feels like a knife is stabbing you in the skull. I took a painkiller. First I distracted myself from feeling the pain by teaching about the American Civil War, but by 9 pm I had run out of students.

Today I have no headache, but I drank three or four big cups of green tea and Earl Grey tea, so I guess that’s cheating. I know I don’t have the same negative side effects with tea as I have with coffee, so am giving myself a pass.

The trouble with coffee is that I always need a bigger dose, I can’t stop drinking and will drink liters of coffee. Plus I almost always put a lot of milk in. So along with the coffee I very easily drink a liter of milk a day. Am not a vegan, but I do try to not consume too many animal products and it’s terrible for my waist.

The biggest reasons am quitting again is because coffee:

  • it gives me mild anxiety attacks
  • I wake up feeling like am on a planet with ten times stronger gravity than on earth
  • my focus is off, I can’t stick to doing just one thing and have no patience
  • it makes me cranky
  • after a while I feel perpetually exhausted
  • my pee smells like coffee
  • my breath is no bed of roses
  • I need to always make sure I have access to coffee or those headaches start
  • it gives me a raging appetite

It’s day two and my head feels much clearer already.