I basically want two things and it’s become painfully clear I can’t have those two things.

This has several consequences. I don’t feel like I am truly myself without those two things. So when you meet me I am merely an amputated version of me. I could try and delude myself into thinking that I can get those things, that I just need to work towards these things for years and that then I will get them. That’s not the truth, I would just feel hungry every day, do all kinds of crazy things, spend a lot of energy, all in the hope that I will eventually strike gold. Twice.

So what can I do?

Even though my light has gone out inside, I can still:

  • work on my body and value my physical health
  • learn a couple things that can be of value. Nothing major, but little things that come with some small advantages
  • practice detachment. Which you could say is practicing to be dead before your body is pronounced clinically death
  • distract myself with little pleasures, like reading, movies, games…
  • be kind to people
  • support people who mean well and are still going strong
  • stay out of trouble
  • take in the wisdom of certain accomplished individuals
  • try to be grateful for the things I do have (a very hard exercise for me)
  • live a quiet life, which is better than keep smashing my head into the same walls
  • create things that at least a few people will derive some value from
  • avoid pretending
  • most importantly, not become the angry, bitter, party pooper most males become when they can’t have what they want (see most Trump fans as examples)
  • Accept that I can’t control everything and that I am here  to have an experience that is largely out of my own control. We have a part to play and then we can go.

‘All I have to do is be the wave that I am and sink back into the ocean’

Treat us to a cup of coffee

It's a great joy and honor to be able to create content for our readers. It's nothing short of a calling and if it would not be rewarding we would of course not be doing it. That being said it's also true that it sure doesn't come easy. Thousands and thousands of hours go into providing this website for you. Countless hours of research, reading, studying, discussions, brainstorms, some heated arguments between the driving forces behind this site about the content offered. Honestly, this website costs blood, sweat and tears. Ok, maybe not blood, but plenty of sweat and tears. It’s not cheap either. It’s safe to say that this site is like a full-time job on top of our regular jobs. So what we are asking is this: If you’ve had some fun on our site, you could spread some joy of your own and support us. We are hell bent on improving the quality of this site. If you treat us to just one (hopefully more than one) cup of coffee (3€) we will feel energized to raise the bar. Every donation will strictly be used to improve this website. So no, we won’t actually buy coffee. Thank you very much! PS Yes, this is a picture of Zuzi.

$5.00