What to do when you can’t have what you want. The bittersweet solace of stoicism.

I basically want two things and it’s become painfully clear I can’t have those two things.

This has several consequences. I don’t feel like I am truly myself without those two things. So when you meet me I am merely an amputated version of me. I could try and delude myself into thinking that I can get those things, that I just need to work towards these things for years and that then I will get them. That’s not the truth, I would just feel hungry every day, do all kinds of crazy things, spend a lot of energy, all in the hope that I will eventually strike gold. Twice.

So what can I do?

Even though my light has gone out inside, I can still:

work on my body and value my physical health
learn a couple things that can be of value. Nothing major, but little things that come with some small advantages
practice detachment. Which you could say is practicing to be dead before your body is pronounced clinically death
distract myself with little pleasures, like reading, movies, games…
be kind to people
support people who mean well and are still going strong
stay out of trouble
take in the wisdom of certain accomplished individuals
try to be grateful for the things I do have (a very hard exercise for me)
live a quiet life, which is better than keep smashing my head into the same walls
create things that at least a few people will derive some value from
avoid pretending
most importantly, not become the angry, bitter, party pooper most males become when they can’t have what they want (see most Trump fans as examples)
Accept that I can’t control everything and that I am here to have an experience that is largely out of my own control. We have a part to play and then we can go.