First of all, here’s the confession. It’s an anonymous answer to a question on Quora. The question is: How do married men resist the temptation to sleep with other women? What it made me realize you will find below. If you’re at all interested in my development, you’ll find it interesting.

I do not doubt the veracity of the answer, my gut feeling tells me it’s accurate and sincere.

First the anonymous answer:

It’s very difficult to resist that temptation.

I had a virtually limitless supply of beautiful women to sleep with for over thirty-six years because of wealth, power and influence. Many women do sleep their way to the top.

I was married to a beautiful woman for 25 years and bore three of my children. I was not faithful to her for a single day of our marriage. I fucked our wedding planner the night before our wedding and on the day of our wedding I I fucked one of the reception waitresses at the hotel we got married in. I’m almost positive that my wife knew this. She loved me enough to silently endure the internal pain and humiliation.

I fucked over a thousand women during the 25 years I was married. Yes its true. I stand to gain nothing by lying to you here .

Plus there’s a lot of guys here that are perfectly aware of how easy it is if you have power and influence.

I hate to tell you this, but guys – you’d be horrified if you knew just how many of your wives, girlfriends and sisters fuck their bosses for sometimes the smallest of gains. Many of them do it for gains only they understand. Like just knowing that they fucked their boss on the conference table where everyone meets for big meetings. There’s lots of kinky women out there that are like that. Perhaps even your wife- and you may never know that about her. Many of the married women I fucked were PTA moms with happy homes and a gas grill on their deck. Their husband’s nor best friends had any idea of how low they stooped to get a promotion or a raise or a company credit card or company car or a paid week of vacation.

Please know this – I never never ever once, not once, was I the one who suggested that we have sex in exchange for a benifit. I am a very good looking man with dangerous charm as many women have told me. And I emotionally seduced many women without even realizing it just to feed my ego.

Was I a sex addict? Hell I don’t know. I am a man who enjoys having sex with attractive woman. Period.

Here’s just a few of the drawbacks that have accumulated over the years as a result of my behavior:

• I’ve gotten many women pregnant. I live with the guilt of my aborted children. I also live with the fear of a stranger knocking on my front door with proof that I’m their father.

• I’ve contracted many venereal diseases over the years and spread it to some of my lovers, including my wife.

• A number of these women developed feelings for me and that made everything awkward.

• I developed feelings for a number of these women and was often stressed out about what to do.

• I don’t remember if I was ever honest about anything during those years.

• I missed the vast majority of my children growing up. While they were hitting the home run at the big school game, I was having rough sex with that hot little teenage temp who really wanted to get hired full time.

• I’ve spent a small fortune on hotel rooms, fancy dinners, and bribes to keep people quiet. My family should have had a much higher standard of living.

• My wife knew what I was doing and kept her mouth shut until the end. She knew that I knew that she knew, and that was very awkward.

• I had to work with many of these women every day, many who either expected the sexual relationship to continue, or lived in fear that I’d insist on it. That felt strange.

• Because of the former fact, it was not unusual for me to have multiple sex partners in a single day for days on end.

• Eventually everybody had a good idea of what was going on. And that was awkward.

• My ex wife finally punished me by bleeding me dry financially. I had her busted for embezzlement and she told my children everything for revenge.

• My kids took my side. Now every one of them has serious intimacy issues.

• I am haunted with overwhelming guilt for all of the above.

• I have inflicted unimaginable amounts of guilt and shame on countless women, many of whom were married at the time we fucked. Some of them I fucked for many years. I know that really messed with their minds and marriages. I hate to tell you this buddy, but yes, your wife is fucking her boss. Sorry.

• I ran my company into the ground because eventually almost everyone who worked there got hired because they were a hot piece of ass and not necessarily quilified for their positions. It was awkward because hardly any men worked for me (I am 100% heterosexual, always have been). I knew that I was living on borrowed time and my world was going to collapse in catastrophic ways. And I was probably going to take a lot of people down with me. Lives were going to be ruined.

• The company shut down before my sexual apolopyse ever got a chance to explode. I dodged the biggest bullet on earth.

Then six years ago my life took an unexpected twist. I divorced my wife over credit card fraud, and I got everything. The house and the kids, and mountains of debt. I was totally broke so I sold everything except my laptop and my stereo system. My now adult kids and I moved into a tiny furnished house and lived very frugal. I had decided to change everything about my life.

That’s when I accidentally met HER.

A woman who made me weak in the knees like I never felt before. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything else in my life. I became obsessed with her. She knew nothing about my past. I won her love emotionally but not sexually. She was practically a virgin and very relegious. And she made it perfectly clear that she was not going to sleep with me unless we were definitely in a non negotiable monogamous relationship with no lies or deception.

I wanted her so much that I agreed to everything with full sincerity. I proposed, she accepted. I was a changed man.

My fiancee occasionally traveled for weeks at a time. One of these times she was away and I accidentally met a scorching hot young lady who was married, lived right around the corner, and looking for secret sex with no strings attached. Naturally I jumped at the opportunity but something got tangled up at the last minute and we didn’t hook up as planned. Meanwhile, my fiance had come home from her trip and accidentally discovered the sexts on my phone with this other woman.

I had never seen anyone cry with such ferocity before. It scared the shit out of me. Worse yet, I felt like the most worthless piece of shit on earth. I couldn’t even look at her. So we talked it out and I confessed everything about my lurid past. It was bizzare to hear my life story spoken in words and such raw truth.

No, it wasn’t a wonderful cleansing feeling. I didn’t feel better. I only realized what a piece of shit I was and that the only way to begin to atone for my sins was to release my fiance from our relationship. I couldn’t let someone as sweet, honest and moral as her to be poisoned by a worthless piece of shit like me. I knew that I was unforgivable.

My fiance miraculously forgave me. However I couldn’t forgive myself. I broke off the relationship. Several days later she told me that I really was a worthless piece of shit for stealing her heart, breaking it and then dumping her as if she deserved it . Then she used the magic word that I never wanted to hear.

She told me that I was selfish.

I don’t know why, but that enraged me. I fucking hate selfish people and now I had to admit to myself that I was by far the most selfish person I ever knew.

My former fiance told me that the only way I could redeem myself was to forgive myself and accept her forgiveness so we could put it behind us and learn from our mistakes. (my mistakes actually, but I knew what she meant).

We patched things up and moved our wedding date back by two years. That way we both would know if I could be trusted or not.

Then something came up with her job and she had to move a thousand miles away. Suddenly she was gone. I was alone. I figured this was God punishing me and karma getting revenge on me. Because even though she moved away, we agreed to stay true to our relationship in every way. Now I was alone and monogamous and suffering from unrelentless loneliness and guilt.

I buried myself in building my company back from the ashes and kept my mind occupied with everything that did not include the temptation to cheat on her.

This story has gotten way too long and I apologize for that.

I just wanted to say that I’ve been 100% faithful to my new wife. We actually had to wait three years to get married because of legal problems with my debt that I needed to clear up in order to make a clear start.

We just celebrated our third wedding anniversary.

I have been completely faithful to her for nearly seven years now.

Here’s the punchline. I am like an alcoholic that is always one drink away from falling back into the bottomless pit of horrific destructive self indulgence. Yes there have been a few close calls. The temptation will probably never leave me. I think that’s my true punishment.

But I have to live with myself and look at myself in the mirror every day. And I can tell you this; if I ever cheated on my wife I’d never be able to hide it for a second. And I know that my wife would not stop loving me. But I know without a doubt that she’d divorce me immediately. She will never be betrayed by me again.

I hope my confession here helps someone, somewhere in some way. I need to pay my debt back to karma by doing good things whenever possible.

Best of luck.

Some realisations:

  • Although I clearly have some issue, perhaps I use intimate contact with women as some sort of natural anti-depressant, I can’t do what this guy does. From time to time a woman makes it obvious she wants to sleep with me, but not often. Even if she does, I don’t act on it immediately. The fastest I’ve ever slept with someone was probably after two dates, so on the second date. So after minimally six hours of conversation, at the very least.
  • Because I’m really interested in what a woman has on her mind, what she’s been through, I actually LOWER my sex appeal almost to the point of zero. In recent years dates with me weren’t fun. I’m convinced most women got some therapeutic catharsis out of our conversations, but they certainly didn’t get in any kind of mood that leads to sex. I mean, I usually had the facial expression of a grave digger and somehow turned almost every date into free therapy AND free tea or coffee. This may have been helpful to these women, and my wife claims I understand and know more about women than the two seduction coaches you see pictured here, but it certainly didn’t lead to sex. This is mostly my own ‘fault’. I picked up on the tiniest clues that they were suffering from something. Most guys I know would have been blind to this, and therefore the women would have been less aware of them. I somehow mirrored their emotional struggles and got them in a therapeutic mindset about 5 minutes after meeting them.
  • I’m picky. I don’t see a lot of women I really want to have sex with. This may change if a woman shows a lot of interest and is very intelligent and respectful. But not always, a lot of the time am just not attracted. Some women seem to think that men want to hump anything in a skirt, but that’s a myth.
  • Although I sometimes go way too far I do tend to keep this part of my personality under control so as to not cause too much distress to my wife. She’s tolerant, but there are still limits to her tolerance.
  • Mild to severe depression will destroy about 80 percent of your sex appeal, no matter how eloquent, attentive, creative, witty you might be. Nothing compensates for a negative outlook
  • THE number one reason why women don’t routinely throw themselves around me is my average height. If tomorrow I wake up as the same guy but just 10 centimeters taller, I would probably have the opportunity to sleep with a new woman pretty much weekly, perhaps daily. HEIGHT MATTERS. Penis size doesn’t matter too much, as long as it’s not below average, but HEIGHT MATTERS. You’ll have to have a hell of lot going for you to compensate for being short
  • This man’s confession plus all the thought I put in The PUA novel, which you can read elsewhere on this site has made me compile a list of attraction killers, which I’ll be posting in the coming days
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