Some troll – possibly a frustrated woman posing as an ‘unattractive guy’ – bombards a womanising group on Facebook with this basic idea:
You can’t learn to seduce women, since they select guys purely based on the way they look. Great looking guys can grab women’s asses and they’ll be be fine with it and an ‘ugly’ guy can’t do anything. Unless travel to countries with lots of poor women and pretty much find himself a wife who’s actually hiring herself out as a prositute, but permanently and to one customer, her ugly husband.
That’s the theory of the poster. He (or she) also gives the anecdotal evidence that he went clubbing for years and years and kept getting rejected by women whereas they ‘threw themselves’ on his physically attractive friend. As proof he also shares a rant by an insanely arrogant woman who almost wants to segregate the world in ‘beautiful’ people (among which she places herself…) and ‘ugly’ people. Nevermind that beauty is far more subjective than is often assumed. I myself am attracted to a very specific type, like my wife – she’s a gorgeous Slovak beauty, inside and out -, but often find myself attractive to women who don’t really seem to look like that type.
Although initially I will react strongly to my type, if she turns out to be self-involved, mean or empty-headed or have too many unattractive habits like smoking or yelling all the time, I lose interest fast. At the same time there are women who initially don’t do anything at all for me in the looks department, but who can dazzle me with their intellect, feminity, charm, humor, a good heart. In the end there are only a very few physical characteristics that make attraction from my side almost certainly impossible. Some of the women I’m attracted to these days are not especially my type at first glance, but something about their personality draws me in and they become very attractive.
The same story I’ve heard from all women I’ve met. Sure, they like to date a tall guy, or they like a certain this or that, but in the end it’s the spirit of the guy that causes her to feel attracted to a guy or not. I have no reason to believe that these women ‘fake’ their attraction to those guys.
If that guy is allowed to throw in his anecdotal evidence so can I: about two months after reading ‘pick-up’ books my life changed radically. Some guys mocked me for investing time in books like that, those guys are now married to the kind of lady I would have to label ‘poisonous’.
Women – and men – are NOT just attracted to looks. Yesterday I had a two hour conversation with a lady who’s not my type. But after listening to her passion for mathematics, her sharp observations of her family members, her witty comments, her remarkable talent to learn languages, and seeing the überfeminine way she moved her body I was definitely attracted to her.
Here’s what many (most?) people fall for, besides looks:
- Someone genuinely showing an interest
- A level of self-respect without getting arrogant
- Someone with good intentions who challenges us, pushes us to be more
- A fun loving attitude (the negative poster in the group lacks this entirely)
- A positive outlook
- True flirtatious behavior, which requires intelligence and creativity, but also empathy and respect
- Good personal hygiene
- Some sense of how to dress
- Self-acceptance, people who reject themselves are going to be rejected by others as well
- A certain lightness, joie de vivre
- Passion, also in the way someone touches you
- Pure biochemistry, the way someone smells matters
If you want to read something by a very stuck-up lady, who just for writing this, would lose any semblance of a chance with any of my male friends, immediately, read this, the arrogance of this lady is quite sickening, I doubt very much that someone who expressed herself this way can look beautiful on the outside, her vibe must be atrocious:
Ugly, creepy guys!
It’s not “creepy” if he’s hot. I freely admit it. When a very attractive stranger approaches me and tells me I’m beautiful, it brightens my day. When a guy who is short, fat or balding does it, it makes my skin crawl no matter how tactful he is about it. I just want him to go away. I’m not alone in feeling this way. Most women feel the same, but hide the true extent of it when the guys are around.
If said ugly guy doesn’t pick up on social cues that I’m not interested in getting to know him, it makes me even more uncomfortable than just him being there already does. I have to deal with this sh*t constantly everywhere I go, and it never stops. Guys, please, learn to KNOW YOUR PLACE!!! We ARE visual, just like you are. We only want GOOD LOOKING guys to approach us. If you’re any combination of short, balding, fat or 10 years older than me, please, for your own sake and mine, kindly F*CK OFF!
I don’t date your kind. Yes, I mean “kind” as in “different species”, because that’s what you are to me. I’m a human being, not an uggo like you, and I don’t do bestiality. You should be socially aware enough to know disinterest when it’s right in front of your homely ass face! Ugly men who act “confident” act out of character, and that’s creepy. Know your place and leave your genetic superiors ALONE!! It really is that simple. Don’t like it? THAT’S TOO D*MN BAD!! You’re not entitled to sex or companionship.
Many of you men reading this will tell yourselves I’m just a b*tch and delude yourselves into thinking I’m in the minority, or that this is satire. No, it isn’t. These are my honest feelings, and I’m NOT alone in feeling this way. Most women DO secretly feel this way, and THAT’s why we have sexual harassment laws! Too many of you genetic failures and guys who have aged past your prime don’t know your place and think you’re allowed the same social freedoms as a hot guy, so we need those laws to keep you uggos in your place. Either accept your role as someone of a lower class and ACT ACCORDINGLY, or it’s sexual harassement. So f*cking what if I let a hot guy grab my ass? That does NOT mean it’s OK for YOU to do it!!!
If you’re not hot, we see right through your so-called “confident” act and know exactly what you’re doing. It’s laughable. You idiots really actually believe we’re “less visual” than you, and that alone is pretty creepy. You don’t know your league and think you have a chance with someone in a higher class. Newsflash, boys: The only pretty girls who date plain guys are whoring themselves for some selfish benefit, and you guys are too f*cking stupid to see it. That’s why so many of you end up divorced and getting played for fools, then try to say all women are users and gold diggers. Um…hello?? Honest women either date hot guys or stay single, so of course you’re gonna meet a lot of dishonest people if you’re always trying to date someone above you on the sexual totem pole!
Want a girl that can actually love you instead of using you? STICK TO YOUR OWN KIND!! If you’re not attracted to women of your own class, you need to improve your looks and move up. Get plastic surgery if you have to. Without good looks, your “awesome personality” is worthless for anything but platonic friendship, and your earning potential is only “attractive” to materialistic girls. If you want genuine love or desire from a woman, she has to be turned on by you in a sexual way. Real attraction is entirely about looks, and ONLY looks. If you try to circumvent that rule, you show an entitlement mentality, and it’s obvious you think we owe you our sexual servicies.
I have an advanced degree and make a good enough living on my own, so I don’t need your earning potential or “generosity”. I have plenty of platonic friends, so I don’t need you for that, either. The only thing I need a man for is sex and reproduction. I can easily land a hot guy for marriage and relationships, so I don’t have to prostitute myself out to an average looking guy just so I can get married and have kids.
Think I’m here only to rake the guys over the coals? No. I have something to say to some of the women out there, too – like those who date plain lookin guys and hand out chances like chocolates to guys they don’t find so hot once they start getting desperate for marriage. Do you seriouly not realize how this collective settling behavior perpetuates patriarchy, male entitlement, rape culture and all the other things we fight so hard against?!?
The very core of patriarchy and all associated problems is rooted in a myth that so many men honestly believe – that we are less “visual” than they are. Many of us continue to bow to society’s pressure, outwardly pretending this myth is reality, often even to the point of essentially prostituting ourselves out of desperation for marriage/kids and rationalizing it as “love”. Then, we tell ourselves that this is what “mature” women do, because the idea that we are prostituting ourselves is too painful to accept. Men see our settling behavior and assume it’s “proof” that looks aren’t that important to us, then they wonder why they have such a lousy sex life with their girlfriends or wives.
It isn’t just patriarchy alone that pushes the “looks don’t matter” lie. Those women who settle for plain looking guys are traitors amoung us, because they play along to protect their own personal interests, and themselves shame any woman who refuses to whore herself by giving the not-hots “a chance”. Sorry, b*tch, but refusing to be bullied into glorified prostitution doesn’t make me “shallow”, and only dating hot guys doesn’t make me a “slut”. I refuse to date a guy I’m not attracted to, because unlike you, I CANNOT in good conscience sell a guy a fake illusion of “love” just to fill some unmet need. Many of you are guilty of this, and you know EXACTLY what you’re doing!
What I’m attracted to, sexually, has nothing to do with my character as a person. Yes, I want a hot guy, and I DON’T apologize for that! I can afford to be picky because I can easily get what I want. If that makes me “shallow”, than so be it. At least I’m not a settling, two-faced WHORE who lacks the self respect to stay single if she can’t get something long-term with a man that turns her on!