The ideal bar

The ideal bar:

• Not even one television set
• Alternative rock music, louder than a running shower, but more quiet than a lawn mower or an artillery barrage
• Non-smoking inside
• Nothing with fancy advocado stuff on the menu
• Nothing that could qualify it as a hipster bar
• Nothing on the menu is named in Italian, unless the bar is in Italy
• The toilets are clean and lock
• Live gigs
• You can get boiled eggs real cheap
• They have soup
• The bar tender is cheerful when he is in a cheerful mood and grumpy when he is in a grumpy mood
• There are books for sale
• The tables are round and made of wood
• You can write on the walls of the toilets
• There’s a couch somewhere that’s used for more than just sitting
• Tourists walk passed it
• The waiters are having fun
• Karaoke is illegal anywhere on the bar’s territory
• Wearing formal clothes and corporate straightjackets is allowed, but frowned upon
• The first time you enter you will be treated a little rough to see what you’re made of
• You can’t talk about the bar
• It has no facebook account