- Be a leader. Lead her to fun. For some reason women usually have a block and don’t do what they enjoy all the easily, they are usually very restrained. As a man you need to lead them to fun, open them up. She’ll love you for that.
- You have to know what you want in life. They find that very attractive.
- Don’t be their therapist. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made this mistake in my life. Hell, it made me realize I should make therapy my profession. But a woman is just not going to be all that attracted to a guy who’s trying to fix her emotional problems. Do that when you’re her husband, don’t try this when you’ve just met her.
- Personal hygiene. You mean what we mean.
- It helps if you dress well. Choose clothes that really fit, don’t wear stuff that’s over-sized or too tight. Don’t wear anything that isn’t you.
- Don’t ask them too many questions. You’re interested in her of course, but don’t desperately try to keep the conversation going by bombarding her with questions. Comment on stuff, say stuff, but don’t ask a zillion questions. If you just relax around her and show through your body language that you’re interested she will talk anyway, no questions required.
- Touch early. Touch slowly, not too long, and in appropriate places. Especially make sure to touch or hold her hands.
- Don’t try to impress her. Don’t brag. It lowers your market value. A rich man doesn’t have to say he’s rich, as the saying goes.
- Take her to places. Be original. Don’t go to see a movie. Go cycling along the river, go paint Easter eggs, go for a mud bath. Bake a cake together. Take the cheapest flight to an exotic destination together over the weekend.
- Challenge her. Don’t agree with her on everything, don’t nod along. BUT: take her side when she tells you emotional stories. Like, disagree with her politically, but don’t tell her that her ex-husband was right and that she was the bad one in her previous relationship. Except as a joke perhaps.
- Bash her a little. Joke around and tease her. Tell her she’s evil and give concrete examples of what kind of evil stuff you think she does, secretely. So many women try so very, very hard to be nice all the fucking time, that they enjoy it when you fantasize about how she can be evil too. Women have a lot of pent-up anger that they never act upon, so let her explore her dark side in your conversations. It will relax her. She’ll also like the fact that you don’t see her as this perfect creature. They like attention, but they hate being idealized.
- Be nice to people around her. If you’re only nice to her and rude to other people, she’ll see you as a fraud. And most women care very deeply about other people’s feelings, you’ll lose her respect if you are rude to others. Unless in the rare case that she’s a bitch. But most women are simply not bitches. If you’re attracting bitches, it’s because of your own attitude…
- Don’t wait too long to make a move. The longer nothing happens, the more certain it becomes that nothing will happen. You should be kissing after six to maximum twelve hours of interacting.
- Be happy on your own. Make sure you have everything in your life to feel fulfilled, regardless of how one woman responds to you.
- Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t control. In other words: play the hand you were dealt. If you’re short, then yes, that’s a disadvantage when it comes to dating women, but you can even the odds by your charm, you can build muscle, you can gain social influence with your actions. Height is just one factor that translates as protection, high social standing to a woman. It’s not the all defining issue at all. Look up the girlfriend of the cool dude that plays Tyrion on Game of Thrones…
- Be creative in your communication. Don’t tell her stuff she’s heard a million times before from every guy she’s ever met. Be vibrant, be engaging. Your dialogue with her should create a whole new world of its own, so it doesn’t compare to any dialogue she’s ever had with any other guy.
- Don’t bring up other women during the first dates. If she asks about ex girlfriends, say nice things about them, but show you don’t have any feelings for them anymore. Don’t stare at other women during the date. They really hate that and you’re a lot less subtle than you think. They always notice.
- Enjoy her beauty! This doesn’t mean ‘druel all over her’, but talk about her looks, compliment her, bring her to settings that are also beautiful. This is also why flowers are still a very good gift to give to women. Flowers say ‘you’re beautiful’.
- Learn to control your energy and the energy of the interaction. Women’s energy levels can change very fast. One moment she wants to dance like crazy, and the next moment she wants to go home, kick off her shoes and eat ice cream in bed while watching an episode of Friends. You need to be able to deal with that. A mistake would be to try and keep her in the same mood. You’d come across as pushy, and you show her you can’t read her emotions.
- Don’t tell her any weird stuff. This seems obvious, but what you can easily blurt out when talking to your mates, could very well shock the living day lights out of her. In the same category: don’t try to impress her with anecdotes about your sexcapades. She might be curious and might listen intently, but if she’s serious about dating you, you’re setting off alarms in her head. If the two of you are both seeing your connection as purely about sex, then yes, you will talk a lot about sex and swap a lot of sex stories.
- Don’t bring up sex stuff until she hints she wants to talk about sex. Here’s one big hint: if she likes you, she will ALWAYS bring up sex.
- A women will talk in general terms about what she thinks men are like or what relationships are like. These aren’t fact, that’s her telling you about her experiences full of hints about what she expects you to do without actually spelling out that you should do those things. Taking us to the next point.
- Women are very indirect in their communication. ‘Fuck me doggy style in the linen closet’ is something a porn star might say in a porn movie. The closest a woman will venture is more something like: ‘I need some help cleaning out the linen closet’ Women’s motto seems to be: you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink. She’ll give you opportunities, but she won’t give you a detailed invitation in three signed copies. Learn to handle her indirectness and learn her language.
- If you ask a woman out on a date, say on Tuesday, and she says she doesn’t have time on Tuesday, because she already has plans, she’s not interested. However, if she really doesn’t have time on Tuesday, she’ll give you an alternative. Like she’ll offer to go out next week. Women love going out on dates, so if she insists she doesn’t have time, doesn’t offer alternatives, she’s just not interested.
- Some women get annoyed with you when they’re attracted to you. They start wanting to compete with you, try making a point of being smarter than you, might say things that sound insulting. This is them being confused and wanting to test if you’re worth the attraction. It’s might feel unpleasant and aggressive, but it’s far better than a neutral, polite attitude. You’re getting a reaction from her and you have something to work with it.
- Don’t be too impressed by her. She’s a human being, just like everyone else. And, as said before, you should enjoy her beauty, but you want to give her the impression you’re only into her looks. And when you’re overly impressed by her personality or her skills, she will think you’re too low in status to be with her. This is why there’s a douchebag technique where you seduce women basically by humiliating and insulting her. You just pretend to be worth more than she is. Especially very beautiful women react to this, because they are used to being adored by all guys they meet. Although it can be an effective technique we don’t endorse this. Only weak, insecure men go around humiliating women to pretend to be ‘above’ those women. Also: it might work initially, but it soon comes back to bite you. It’s no basis for a relationship.
- You can make mistakes and apologize, if you’re being sincere, it will strenghtened your bond. So it’s better to be a bit more riskier than to play it too safe. You can say some things that are, outside of her, comfort zone. Don’t risk being colorless.
- Be aware of her comfort. Like, don’t take her to a dirty place, don’t make her sit on wet grass, just don’t get her into uncomfortable situations.
- Show her you are sexually aroused by her. As long as she is causing your sexual mood, she’ll be ok with. Randomly talking about everything that turns you on in general will put her off.
- If she starts criticizing you smile it off. Don’t try to start any logical argument. Deflect it with humor, don’t defend yourself, don’t take it seriously, unless you really did something wrong.
- Don’t be a goofy clown all through the date. Think 80/20. 80 percent fun and 20 percent serious sharing.
- Don’t be docile and too eager to please.
- Don’t start texting her when you’re drunk…
- Know yourself.
- Remember what she tells you. During a first date nothing she tells you is entirely random. She’ll give away all the values that matter to her. Women freely give you the manual of how they want to be treated. Just listen.
- The first date you should be the one that’s paying. If she doesn’t accept that, she might be blowing you off…
- Sharing food is a great bonding ritual, but it doesn’t need to be the first date activity. Walks are actually one of the best dating activities. Just walk. There’s less stress, there’s no hassle about who’s paying, you can wear fairly casual clothes, you leave some room for spur of the moment decisions, depending on what you bump into along the way. It’s easy for both to cut the date short. You’ll be closer to each other than in most other settings, it’s easier to touch, the first physical contact can be accidental, just bump into each other. You are not forced to stare at each other across a table, which can be more relaxing. Conversation while walking somehow tend to be more free flowing and easy. You can still end the date in a restaurant. You’ll be out in the open, in public, she’ll feel safe. It won’t be noisy, and you won’t have to wait for coffee or something. Plus, outdoors smells more like possibility and adventure than indoors. And it doesn’t need to cost you anything. You can also bring some food and a bottle of wine and a blanket along if the mood arises to get more comfortable. In winter you have a reason to go for mulled wine at some Christmas market, those are everywhere these days.
- As is the case with success in many fields: don’t focus too much on the outcome, enjoy the process! Have fun flirting with her, dating her, talking to her.
- If you don’t feel worthy of being in her presence, she will not feel ‘chemistry’. When a woman says she’s not feeling any ‘chemistry’, it means that you’re not on top of her, you’re not being the strong guy that allows her to be vulnerable, lean on you and guide her to pleasure and comfort. And most of all growth.
- Push her to grow. This could be the ultimate key. Women fall in love with men they consider to be men who can push them to the next level in their level. But how could you ever push her to grow if you feel like she’s more than you, and that you are unworthy of her attention? Chemistry killer number one.
- Do not ever use logical arguments to try and convince her to be with you. Do not come up with some list of what kind of benefits she’d get from being with you. You’re not trying to sell a laptop or a car or insurance. Make her FEEL excitement, do not tell her why she should be feeling excited… This is a typical guy mistake.
- Introduce her to new things.
- Show what you are passionate about, if you’re obsessed with the operation of oil rigs, by all means, share some of that passion with her, just don’t overdo.
- Speak and act with confidence, but not arrogance.
- All these laws will have more impact if you look sexy. Don’t be overweight, that’s the least you can do. Avoid wearing glasses. There are plenty of simple things you can do to look sexier. Have your eyebrows trimmed. Don’t have hair sticking out your ears or nostrils. Don’t wear unsexy colors like beige, yellow, brown… In experiments women prefer an ‘ugly’ guy in nice clothes over a ‘hot’ guy who’s sloppily dressed.
- Don’t give up immediately. If you really like her ask her out more than once. If you leave enough time between asking and stay respectful and polite, you can keep asking her out. Just don’t start begging or being rude or bombarding her with 200 messages to try and convince her. Stay cheerful about it. And give her the feeling she’s totally allowed to say no.
- Women are the sexual selectors. Women rate 85 percent of men on dating sites as below average in attraction. This means that only a fraction of men appeals to women. As a man it’s your job to show your interested in her and then it’s her right to accept or to reject or to consider your offer a while longer. Until cultural roles changes, you will most likely have to show lots of initiative, unless…
- Unless you are clearly in the 15 percent segment of highly attractive males, in that case women will show an ABUNDANCE OF INITIATIVE to get in touch with you. In my student days I was perceived as having above average social status and in that period women regularly asked me out on dates. I had no idea at the time what exactly was causing this. Status makes women show initiative. If you can be ‘famous’, even only locally, you will see that women will start making the first move. It can of course be very labor intensive to achieve that status. The short cut is to act high status without actually having it.
49. Women don’t differentiate between you working on your potential and you already having achieved huge things. Women are attracted by effort, by how determined you are to become a better version of you and how much positive impact you want to make on others
50. Build the romance gradually. Don’t get overly romantic immediately. Romance is more appreciated later on in the relationship. In the beginning it can feel like you’re trying too hard.
51. If you get physical early on, it boosts her attraction to you. If the two of you kissed she will look for reasons why it’s right to be kissing you. If nothing happens, the opposite happens. If nothing happens early on she will look for reasons as to why you are not the right guy for her. Women see a relationship as something that just happens naturally, fast, something that overcomes them. So if it things don’t flow smoothly, things are not going according to the script that tells her ‘chemistry’ is happening. What women call ‘chemistry’ is the feeling of inevitable attraction and action. So if things don’t go fast, to her it means there’s nothing between you.
52. Why women always say: just be yourself. What they mean is that you shouldn’t try to impress them. They also hate the idea that you could be doing anything deliberately to seduce them. For women seduction needs to magically happen, tactics are not alllowed. The trouble with this is that women find certain behavior attractive and some behavior repulsive or at least attraction killing. Society today doesn’t encourage men to become confident men. Plus, men are highly hierarchically attuned and most men display behavior that either shows how lowly they feel (very low self confidence) or tries to mask their lowly status (arrogance). Both behaviors chase women away. Most men who want to be succesful with women need to learn how to be attractive. Women find this manipulative. But for lots of men it makes the difference between sitting around waiting for that rare woman who wants them or being succesful with women and being able to choose which kind of woman he wants to be with.
53. I’m very well read. It does NOT help me when it comes to dating. Since it’s all about letting her experience exciting feelings, me talking about Russian classics, doesn’t make her think sexy thoughts. It’s nice, sure, they appreciate it, sure, do they find it attractive? Not really. Attraction is about emotions, about getting physical. What they do find attractive is when you can be witty and can react very fast and to the point during conversations. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that reading tons of books will do much for your dating life.
54. Fake it till you make it. Falling in love is nature’s way of making us become intimate with a stranger at turbo speed. Trusting a stranger too fast is very dangerous for humans, and not that easy, but when we fall in love we easily fastforward like a year or two and embrace a total stranger we’ve practically just met. So, without saying anything, just treat her like she’s already your girlfriend. Take her hand, touch her hair, whisper in her ear, say stuff only a boyfriend would say. Fake it till you make it.
55. Sex. Slow, slow, slow, slow, slow foreplay. It’s the key to make her wild. Also praise her body abundantly and with conviction. In our culture we put so much insane pressure on women that even the hottest woman has tons of features she’s deeply insecure about. Oh, and in bed nothing turns her on more than feeling intensely desired. As for technique, being slow and showing you desire her will open her up and she’ll have no trouble telling you what she likes. When it comes to technique every woman is different, so the move that sent your ex to seventh heaven could very well be torture to your new lady. Get her in the mood and listen. Oh, and the majority of women will climax through tongue action, and not penis action, though they enjoy both.
56. Think logistics. You can have the most amazing date, but if you don’t have a place to take her to, you’re in trouble. A good dates takes some planning. Also, quite a few women prefer to sleep in their own bed, especially if they have important stuff to do the next day.
57. Don’t be their girlfriend. They are looking for a guy. Some guys think that in order to be liked by women they have to do and like things that women do and like. Bad strategy. Women are looking for men. Be different. Sure, you can have similarities, but your attitude should be masculine.
58. It helps if you have a lot of women around that you’re just friends with. You’ll learn a lot about women. Plus, they will constantly give you good quality feedback on where you are in life, more so than your male friends. Having lots of women around will also make you less nervous around women.
59. Have a clear idea of what kind of women you like and what kind of women you vibe with. Like proud, independent, artistic women react well to me, whereas women with a nine to five job usually find me too weird. The better you know what kind of women are your cup of tea the more easily you’ll spot them and approach them.
60. Text, call or message her the day after the first time you sleep together.
61. Value your own time. Give her attention, but not to such an extent that your career starts to suffer. Draw clear boundaries. If you don’t she’ll end up breaking up with you. She doesn’t want a guy who will let his life fall apart to go shopping with her or feed the ducks in the park. She might appreciate all the attention at first, but soon she’ll just see you as irresponsible, like you’re using her to run away from your duties.
62. Once in a relationship hug her for no reason, daily, without expecting sex to follow. Unconditional hugs keep her happy
63. Never embarass her in front of her friends
64. Keep surprising her, but with little things. Send a box with her favorite candy and soda to her work. Don’t get too extravagant. She’ll soon think you’re being irresponsible. So…
65. Be responsible, if you want her to stick around
66. Don’t try to give her concrete advice about her problems, not at first anyway, first listen and let her vent
67. The number one reason she’ll get at mad at you for is when she’s feeling ignored or left out
68. Don’t betray yourself for her. If there’s something that’s really you and it bugs the hell out of you, and she threatens to leave you if you don’t change it, don’t change it. She’ll leave you anyway if you do.
69. Don’t forget to tell her what you want. It takes two to tango.
70. If you’re considering to make her your wife, take a very close look at the relationship of her parents. The healthier that relationship the easier it will be to build a healthy long lasting relationship with her.
71. Find out what her one word is and if it’s compatible with yours. This will tell you if you have matching values. Read the book ‘your one word’ by Evan Carmichael to find out why this is so important.
72. If she’s in a rotten mood and not even open to hugs, give her some space. She needs some time alone to regenerate. She’ll tell you what was bothering her if you ask again later.
73. Don’t be jealous. Being jealous by itself is not going to keep her from sleeping with someone else if she really wants to. Instead of being jealous don’t give her a reason to want sex with someone else: have goals in live and work on your potential, keep, her satisfied in bed, don’t ignore her, don’t fall into a dull routine, push her forward, don’t be threatened by her growth (surest way to drive her into the arms of an other guy).
74. Women tend to have more stress from their husbands than from her children. What does that mean? That men mistake their wives for their mums. Lezen to take care of yourself and don’t be her grown up child.
75. If she has some annoying habit, just tell her. But say at least 5 positive things about her for every point of criticism. As long as you highlight all the good stuff about her, she will be open to listen to the stuff that bugs you.
76. Tell her about your day. Even if it seems to you that nothing special happened, give her a recap. She will want to be part of your world and will be eager for news.
77. Get separate bathrooms as soon as you can afford them. They make life so much easier.