• I can’t control that people are often quite aggressive towards me, this is in part because people mistake my daydreaming, trance-like, disengaged state of mind for meekness, whereas I’m simply just not really mentally present in a lot of every day situations
  • I can’t control the job offers I get, rejections in all kinds of form
  • I can’t control one of the most glaringly obvious pieces of evidence that the human species is not worthy of being called intelligent: traffic.
  • I can’t control that people shy away from responsibility and only want to do something when they know 100 percent sure they can get something out of it for themselves
  • I can’t control that the dominant values in society which I find repressive, restrictive, hypocritical, and imposed by the elite.
  • I can’t control that my culture, the culture I was raised in at home, the flower power hippie culture of the sixties is dead, burried and forgotten
  • I can’t control sexual gratification all days of the week, every day of the year
  • I fail to fake confident body language and I can’t control my own rigidity in being authentic and not fake, even if being fake would be highly, highly beneficial to my material circumstances
  • I can’t control how many people are so predictabily conservative and ever ready to conform to mainstream standards, which makes most people I meet painfully, exhaustingly boring and ‘alien’
  • I can’t control that most people are satisfied with having five shallow connections, which makes opportunities for meaningful communication on an average day very, very rare
  • I can’t control that the skills I was born with are not the skills that the current market wants to pay a lot of money for
  • I could move to Vietnam and be in a culture that is closer to my soul, but that move would be so disruptive to my family, so I can’t control that ultimately I’m not a totally selfish asshole

However

  • I can control the trance I get from high intensity physical work-outs
  • I can’t control that my biggest fear is to be bored, but I can control the many ways in which I can entertain myself (I’m an expert at self-entertainment, I’m an only child, my universe has been full of fictional characters ever since I had to spend two months of summer all alone, every year until I was 11)
  • I can control using my home as almost a separate nation in which I cut myself off as much as possible from the world around me
  • I can control which books I read
  • I can’t control what I have a talent for, but I can teach myself the control to keep improving the skills that I do have
  • I can control my time and I can choose not to waste it on bullshit
  • I can control how much money I spend
  • I can control what I put in my body
  • I can control, quite well, how many manipulative advertisements I see in a day
  • I can control who I allow into my life (fewer and fewer people, I must say)
  • I can control what I do with the only real gift I admit to have, that is the ability to heal people who have been deeply hurt or are confused about what they want in life and searching for a road that suits them
  • I can control how negative or positive I want to feel, in spite of being confronted with external circumstances that are very incompatible with who I am
  • I can control how much and how hard I want to clash with my incompatible circumstance. Small example: I have short hair now although I prefer to have long hair, since having long hair leads me to clash almost weekly with people who for brainwashed reasons are so stupid that they can’t deal with a man with long hair, I have chosen to have short hair for the time being, so I don’t have to deal with more comments by more idiots. (WHO THE FUCK CARES IF I HAVE LONG HAIR OR NOT, but unfortunately human beings are so deeply toxic and peanut brained that they have to comment on things like that and somehow find it ‘wrong’ to have long hair when you are a man, not realizing this is just one example of the many restrictions the  corporate culture imposes on us. It’s a cultural thing to associate long hair with less masculinity. All guys I meet are total and utter pussies compared to the ancient Spartans and those guys had long hair. To give just one example of the simpleton reflexes lots of people have
  • I can’t c ontrol that most people prefer superificial bullshit and prefer to hide and go through life with one hand tied around their balls, but I can control the time I spend in the presence of such people
  • I can’t control how empty, how insecure and how needy people feel who post selfies, but I can control how many ‘like me, please like me’ selfies I see during a day. Not many, because if you post a selfie I immediately unfollow and wish you a huge dose of self-acceptance so you can start posting something more meaningful
  • I can’t control that people go through life as though their little private life is totally unconnected to the lives and the events on this 6 billion people planet, but I can control my frustrated reactions to this sad fact
  • I can’t control how much mainstream propaganda people swallow, but I can control – to some extent- my own stance towards this and at least give a signal to the small group of people around me that I find what mainstream media produce highly suspect
  • I can choose to only focus on things that serve me
  • I can’t control that wars break out, but I can control how many anti-war messages I put out and I can control how I can soothe myself with the thought that if I’m ever forced to be in a war that I swear to make that war so disgustingly cruel and nauseatingly, bestially sick that nobody involved will ever see war as a viable way to resolve a conflict ever again
  • I can’t control that money flows to a predators, but I can’t control that more money flows to me than flows away from me. Every euro in my pocket is a euro that is not in the pocket of people investing in shares of a company, shares that almost only go up if the work force of that company is being squeezed harder
  • I can’t really control how much anger builds up in me during an average day but I can control incredibly well what I choose to do with that aggressive energy
  • I can’t control that, fundamentally, I hate the world, but at the same time I’m quite sure that I’m in control of how kind I am to the people I meet, as long as they are polite, and I’m quite sure I’m very kind to most people I meet, even though I wonder every day how I can be so completely different inside than the people I meet, and how I manage to adapt so much to a world that is completely foreign to me
  • this will be labeled as bragging, but I’m the living proof that you can be deeply depressed and sad, and still very effective, productive and -paradoxically- very cheerful in dealing with people
  • I can’t control the XTC feeling that can result from certain interactions with people in those rare moments that two people just click, but I can to a large extent control the religious XTC I experience, for which I do not depend on other people. (My religion is Baranism, but that’s not the subject of this post).
  • The result of the conflict between who I am and how incompatible I am with the present culture, is that I hate you, but as long as you don’t attack me, I will vigorously defend you and if you need healing I will give you a spiritual kind of love that few people are capable of, mostly because I was brought up in such a loving hippie environment that was very different from the rest of the world and that I’m -outside of my close family- no longer connected to (that’s even the meaning of my name: Will (will-power) Helm (defense)