A snowy road. Trudging along like the German soldiers who surrendered at Stalingrad in february 1943, 75 years ago. Destination: a firm where I’m supposed to motivate people to learn some Dutch in between the zillion other corporate tasks they already have.

Some guy stops me and says: ‘Hey, mister, can’t you pay attention to the road behind you?’

I turn and there’s a girl on a bike behind me. It would be customary that this person rings a bell. It’s customary in the Netherlands and Belgium, two advanced countries where the highly modern device called a bike has been in widespread use since the 1860’s.

In this primitive nation people use bikes only for recreational habits, not to get from point A to B on a work day like this courageous girl is doing. You can also use it as a 50-50 percent chance to commit suicide.

In Slovakia they don’t put bells on a bike, they yell at people that they should watch the road BEHIND them.

I know I’m an alien and not of this world, but no, I do not have eyes on my back.

I turn to the guy and say: ‘I know you. You are the one that is sleeping with Robert. Yes, yes, you’re that guy who likes big cucumbers up your ass.’

Don’t get me wrong, I love gay people. I love gay people because they have to be very courageous to be different in a world that is threatened by anything that is even a slightly bit different, but I know that most Slovak men are at least a little bit homophobic, because they are deeply insecure in their masculinity, that’s why they need big toys like big cars, why they like to smoke and like to brag about drinking alcohol. So this guy is immediately deeply mortified, because he’s primitive enough to take being gay as something bad.  Here in Slovakia I hear so called intelligent people say stuff like ‘people CHOOSE to be gay’. Yeah, right.

‘Yes, for 20 euro everybody can stick anything at all up your ass.’

An old lady passes and I say:

‘No, I’m not interested in your services. I never pay for sex. And I hope you’re not doing anything to that dog. He’s walking a little funny.’

I’m hoping he will try to punch me, so I have an excuse to bash his arrogant face in, but he just says I’m crazy and pulls his dwarfish dog behind him. A dog is one of those four legged devices that produce brown excrement that their owners like to scrape from the ground. They also put food in them. The pay off is that a dog is small, it sometimes understands commands, and when you feel powerless in your life, you have something to yell at and pretend to be the boss of. If you’re wiping someone’s ass, I don’t think anyone should wonder who the real boss is. This little dog doesn’t even have the ability to rip my throat open. The same person that puts thousands of euros of crap food in this little being, will refuse to give even as little as 5 euro a month to provide clean water to villages in third world nations. Don’t tell me people are good.

I walk on, in a satanically dark mood thanks to that guy. But I have to realize that I’m the one in charge of my mind, so I wish the guy a raging hellhound of a tumor on his arrogant tongue, let it go and decide to be in a good mood and spread postive energy. I know it’s about as senseless to try and spread positive energy in a primitive world as charging headlong into a dug in German infantry division that’s using Flak batteries as artillery, but what the heck, it’s my religion, as long as arrogant guys don’t expect me to have eyes on my back. I can do certain things, but 360 degrees all round vision is not listed on my CV.

I apologize for using homosexual images to humiliate one of the locals troglodytes, I support anyone who’s gay, but you have to fight them with the weapons that do the trick.

Bottom line: leave me the fuck alone when I’m doing what we’re all trying to do, going to places to make some money to put some frugal fare on the table. If I would have had any idea that there’s was a cyclist behind me I would have let her pass. No need to yell at me. Thank you.