Slovak post boxes are very small. I don’t know why this is, but I’m sure that if I were to ask one of the locals he or she would say that it is because of socialism. Slovaks call the period of communism ‘socialism’, because communism would have been the end stage of the marxist utopia. You start with socialism, evolve into the second stage, the stage of alcoholism and then comes communism. Slovakia somehow got stuck in the second stage. Everything that goes wrong here is blamed on the communist past. Is the waiter rude? Communism. Bad side-walks? Communism. No parking space? Communism. Women wearing too much make-up? Communism (under communism they didn’t have the same make-up so now they overdo not knowing the limits of their capitalist freedom.) People not interested in politics? Communism. Corruption? Communism. Drivers that habitually treat pedestrians as target practice? Communism.

My latest discovery in this shithole country is that if you get a yellow paper in your too small post box for hobbits, you can’t go to the post office immediately. Because the package or somewhat bigger enveloppe that the yellow paper represents is still in the car of the postman. It’s with the postman because he has to -pro forma- try to get the too big package in your hobbit post box. He can’t of course, but he keeps trying. You know, communism, the system thinks for you.

So in you are unaware that a fresh yellow paper cannot immediately get you your letter and you go to the post office, you get yelled at. This will be after some old guy cut in line, because they have no system for queus. Weird, because you would think that communism would have at least taught them how to form queues. Didn’t they have to wait for everything under communism? But no, Slovak have no talent, no love for structure, to form a clear line. It’s something like a mush pit actually, but without the punk music to make it entertaining.

This chaos is endemic. Getting my students enrolled at the evening school is an administrative nightmare for some reason, if you need to deal with the ‘alien’ police you’d better swallow the monthly supply of xanax of a medium sized mental institution and if you have a subscription to a newspaper expect to get your papers, not one by one, but sometimes three in a row, then a long spell of nothingness, and then again three.

Their educational system sucks because their bureaucratic bullshit eats up the time of the teaching staff and students use all this bureaucratic shit to stall for time, it’s incredibly easy for students to cut classes around here and in the general chaos they can easily find an excuse to not be where they are supposed to be.

If you did not like this blog post, please have a sincere Slovak reaction to it and blame it on communism.

If you haven’t met in a long time and on meeting me you find me to be excessively rude, know that I have been in Slovakia for about a year and a half now and that you need two main qualities to survive in this country, you have to be rude and prude.

On the bright side: Slovakia has taught me that I will never be an alcoholic. If this country can not let me fall into daily alcoholic stupor, then nothing will.

Reasonably kind regards from Slovakia, the ultimate proof that no dose of Christianity can ensure that a country will have warm and loving climate.