If you go to Facebook, you’ll notice something that cannot be labeled otherwise than: lots of folks suddenly conditioning themselves to be superpositive, superdriven, they’re all go getters now. And they are screaming to their ‘followers’ how they should focus, and ‘go for it’ and drop insecurities and love themselves, and blablabla. It’s mania. Served neat, no olive.

Everybody has drunk the Tony Robbins koolaid. You HAVE to be positive now. If you’re not you deserve to die in the gutter, you are to be blame for being a failure, you have to get up and brag about all your accomplishments in your status update.

Funny, you never see the truly succesful people ever take to Facebook to dip you in repetitive, derivative advice…

They have one thing in common, these self-knighted Gurus of the digital round table: they all promise you can have everything your heart desires. Of course you can’t.

Here are six certainties you have anno 2017

1. You live within a system with clearly defined boundaries. Whatever you may pretend, society expects certain things of you, and if you don’t deliver, you will be screwed. You will always be screwed. You have to make money in some way, you need to eat, sleep and be of some value to a client or an employer or you won’t eat. It’s usually boring stuff you get money for. Lots of folks try to fix this problem by making their money telling other people how to become… mindfulness teachers just like them… Fun, sure, but the market is getting kinda crowded. How many coaches, healers, motivational speakers, etc can a society sustain?

2. In the end you will have to turn to binge watching HBO series to get a taste of what human emotion used to feel like. Because, well, most people you meet are too busy making money or posting pics of their new born babies to have time to establish a real connection. If you are both very lonely and a bit inteligent you can also binge read novels to get your Ersatz shot of human connection and involvement.

3. If you are not somehow of use to other people, if you don’t help them make money in some way or if you’re not at least their dumpster to leave their emotional hangovers in, you will be ditched.

 

4. A huge chunk of your life will be spent in waiting rooms, filling in paper work, getting insurance against the potential bankruptcy of your insurance company’s insurance company, because you know, we live in FEAR. Administrative chores will take up more time than talking to your mum. And if you get an email from a friend, the first line will read: I actually don’t have time to write you.

 

5. Most people you meet will never ever admit a mistake. Almost nobody you meet will ever truly be humble. And that includes you. And if you do choose to allow yourself to be humble you will immediately be vigorously butt raped by the self-agrandizing vulturesome majority. Consider your options.

6. You live in an opinion niche, just like most of us. You have certain opinions and you unfollow everyone that has a different opinion. So, even though we could be more united than ever before, as a species, we are now more splintered than ever before. We live in an age of our little camps. Everyone is in a little niche and repeats the same kind of opinions of the other members of that tiny tribe. There’s no real communication. We choose to surround ourselves with people who’ll just repeat what we want to hear, endlessly in many different variations. And if somebody voices something you don’t agree with, you just block that pig or try to humiliate him/her by saying something nasty that you think makes you look good. It doesn’t. In the end our biggest wish is to turn everyone into a version of ourselves, in a slightly different color, you know, to keep it interesting.

Ok, we can go back to how we are all going to be millionaires if we all just get up in a good manic mood and squeeze fresh orange juice in the morning and stick to our low carb diet in which we pretend alcoholic beverages are somehow protein shakes and shout to the world how very, very special we are.

Thought I’d provide some rain in the eternal sunshine status update climate.

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