You can’t think straight any more.
It has a lot of symptoms in common with the flu, but it is not contagious.
The face of the person you desire hits you like a sledgehammer the moment you wake up.
You idealize him or her as if a whole propaganda bureau has set up camp in your brain, spewing you full with reasons why that person is now the alpha and omega of your existence. Why you can go from bleakness to eternal rosy colored bliss if you could just scoop that person off her feet and carry her to paradise.
Your body is on natural, non-synthetic LDS.
Love Destroys Sanity.
Even if at first you could list all kinds of things about that person that bugged the hell out of you, all this gets swept under the rug when the most sophistaced hormonal brainwash cocktail kicks in. If the army could distill this stuff and inject it into the water supply of an enemy nation, you would create pandemonium in three days, but you would be conquering a country full of lunatics.
Falling in love reveals how the brain has a built-in camera. It flawlessly registers every move, every breath of the love target. It is surprising what the human brain can do once it has the proper motivation.
You come up with all sorts of bullshit why that person is special.
We fall in love with people that, apart from being ideal for reproduction -still the main factor, even for those who do not want to have children- we think will lift us higher, who will makes us whole, we are all hurt, just look around, we are all hurt, we are all lacking something, and when you fall in love you have the illusion that this person will magically fill the void.
I have undergone surgery twice, once life threatening, I have walked around in the spooky center of Hebron, Palestine where war can break out any minute, because of trigger happy Israeli soldiers and fanatic Israeli colonists, I have walked around all by my lonesome in a refugee camp, I have been thrown about by a drunk wifebeater strong as a bull, I have been dead broke almost unable to afford food, and for a couple of years I had severe, inexplicable panic attacks, I have experienced crushing, envy towards friends and other writers, but boy, that was all a cake walk, I would sooner go through all of those experiences a thousand times than I would ever be foolish enough to give in to any sort of infatuation. The only thing that is still worse is losing a cherished relative or friend.
It is setting yourself up to lose. It is expecting someone to play a role that the person does not want to play. It’s very unfair to the person you fall in love with, that person will have to hurt you and you cannot blame that person for what is happening, ever.
It is all the romantic crap you soak up from years and years of hollywoodian movies working against you.
It is the fatal mistake of believing happiness can be find outside of yourself.
It is degrading, it is selling yourself cheap.
When feelings of infatuation creep up one should have the good sense to bury them alive and run in the opposite direction.
In the rare instances that the feelings are entirely mutual you are off on a six month roller coaster. After that the body suddenly refuses to keep the party going and cuts off the dope supply. You find yourself not with a God or a Goddess, but with a regular fellow human being again. If you are lucky this person can be a friend. If you are lucky you have enough meaningful memories to tie you together.
True love must be a bond between two people who know everything about each other and despite of that fact still find it agreeable to spend a large portion of every day in each other’s company. If that sounds very unexciting, it is because it is unexciting. It is unexciting, but it is stabile, it is nurturing in a consistent, but also frugal way. And if you’re very lucky and determined you can even come to a shared sense of humor to patch things up.
You can also become an infatuation junkie and practice serial monogamy. Every six months you throw out the rusty syringe and you go and look for a new one that still gives you the delusional highs for an other six months. It is a chaotic life style, but hey, a rolling stone does not gather moss.
It is poison that destroys any sane, healthy, mutually beneficial relationship that could exist between the two of you.
When you detox yourself, you wake up as out of a feverish dream, you feel foolish, you are embarassed that you could ever have given anyone such dominance and control over your being.
You see it in the eyes of your unaffected ‘target’, when initial sympathy and patience start to slip into revulsion, distance, annoyance. That is when you start snapping out of it, hoping you will never try to rise above every day blandness again by losing yourself in someone else. If only there could exist a feeling as pungent as those first six months of mutual LDS.
Two songs go with this post, as long as YouTube does not delete them,
Poison, Alice Cooper
you are poison running through my veins
Time, The Scabs
You got me barkin’ at your front door
You got me runnin’ wild like a little child
You made me crazy, you made me creep
Humiliate me, way down deep