1. There’s a lake nearby and one lady with a big enthusiastic dog runs around it at 7.00 am in winter

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She had what they call a ‘vymakane telo’ around here, a hard body, and she had tied a big, enthusiatic dog to her waist. She was running at a very spirited pace, all by her self. I thought back of a time when I used to go running along the river in Gent at the crack of dawn, and I missed it. Also, I wanted to talk to this woman, because of the way she ran, but also because of the way she talked to her dog. There wasn’t a speck of this silly ‘your my stupid dog and now I can yell at you and avenge myself on this helpless creature because of all the injustices I go through every day’ kinda attitude. Real authority filled the air when she spoke. I must say arousal was presently afoot, however…

I did not run after her, because A. It was kind of slippery. B. I had just been kindly asked to leave two different trams and now I had to find some other way to get to work. The trams weren’t going this morning in Bratislava. Cables were malfunctioning, maybe because of the moist mist, I don’t know. I’m at best an engineer of the soul not any other kind.

Did you get my -I admit it -rather lame reference to a story by Anton Chekhov?

2. Slovak guys are spoiled, says a colleague

This lady told me that Slovak guys:

-are spoiled by their mums

-will always find something to criticize about a woman, no matter how beautiful or kind or dilligent she may be

-care more about muscle gains than monetary gains, let alone spiritual gains

I may add that, here in Bratislava, I quite often spot very pretty ladies with physically unattractive guys. It’s not the so called hotshots that get the very pretty ones around here. Probably because the unattractive ones are far more willing to commit than the handsome ones, and in the end, a woman wants to be understood much more than she wants to be with this week’s cover model of Macho world. But this is a trend for the ladies who are over 25.

3. Slovakia is full of passive anarchists

You would think that Slovakia is a conservative country, but it’s actually a country full of passive anarchists. They tell their leaders: steal all you want, but leave us the fuck alone in return.

I think Diogenes was Slovak.

You know that dude who lived in a barrel and when Alexander The not so Great at all told him he could ask whatever he wanted he just asked little old Alex to step out of the sunlight? Yes, that dude. Totally Slovak. Greatest Slovak who ever lived. It’s true.

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4. She says erotic novels are cheesy

I’m looking for a woman who’s actually read 50 shades of gray cover to cover. Though I suppose I’m in for a dissapointment. I have tried myself but couldn’t get past the first page and when I flip through it I experience one of those rare moments of cringing so badly that I think I’ll need to be ironed to get uncringed. Of course the author never cringes when she takes a look at her bank account and decides to write an other scene in which the heroïne gets 5 flooding squirting window shattering orgasms because some taciturn dude looks at her in a certain cocky way.

Personally I prefer the book ’50 gays in the shade’.

It’s like Game of Thrones but with more shade.

5. What happens when you – by any reasonable standard – totally abuse coffee? 

I’m now talking about the equivalent of something like 20 to 30 cups, maybe more, I make instant coffee with a big soup spoon and have no idea how many cups I actually drink.

The weird thing is that I don’t have trouble falling asleep.

But then I find myself having very vivid dreams and waking up about 5 hours later, with a heart racing as though it’s a horse taking part in the charge of the light brigade.

I used to have severe bouts of anxiety, fear that my heart would just pull the plug, but recently I just jump out of bed in the strangest sort of mood. Like my brain is a city and all the traffic lights are green all at the same time, collisions everywhere, but at such slow speeds that no actual damage is caused.

At least that’s what I assume, because I’m approaching that moment where I decide that this can’t possibly be healthy anymore and that I have to quit coffee again.

You see, I’m an abstainer. I find it easier to not engage with something at all, than engage with something mildly or moderately.

That’s how three cups of coffee always lead to the debauchery of 30 cups a day.

How a two hour conversation becomes a marathon conversation.

How drinking two glasses of wine becomes three days and three nights of drinking without any sleep. (Don’t worry, that was ten years ago)

And so on.

God, make me quit coffee, but not today.

If you didn’t know that this was a reference to Saint Augustine, chances are you use your memory space for more practical things.

Right, one more cup of coffee and then slumber.

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