- This one puzzles me. Am I being inauthentic by getting married? Arguments that plead against me: I abhor the concept of monogamy, it doesn’t make any sense to me, I find it petty, childish, possessive and a cause of lots of unnecessary tension and trouble, I was passionately raised in the spirit of hippie free love by parents, who ironically, never slept with other people and preached hippieness without being hippies, I know, incongruence seems to have been an ingredient in my life all along.
I have nothing with churches, I’m not really a catholic, except in those odd moments when I’m very afraid to die and the indoctrication I went through as a child kicks in. I do not like the ritual. I do not like most traditions (some I do like…). I hate dancing. I hate the typical music that gets played at weddings. I don’t like unwritten rules that say we have to invite people we don’t really want to be there, and whom we’ll only ever ‘see’ again at their or our own funerals. My father -the atheist side of my indoctrination coin- kept telling me not to get married. On top of all this I have way too many worries to be in the mood for any kind of party. Basically, I don’t like weddings…
- I do like making people around me happy, and getting married makes them happy. Is it an authentic act to fulfill your drive to make people you love happy by doing something inauthentic?
- Over the past year my friends have given waaaay more weight to this event than I did. Those who have constantly asked me how the wedding planning was going along, have mainly shown how little they know me, by not asking more important questions such as: how many clients have you got? What have you learned about being a therapist? How can you improve? How is your novel coming along? How is your civil war research coming along? How is business going? How can you improve this or that? No, all they kept asking about was the wedding. In the end I almost had to conclude that they were deliberately trying to bug the hell out of me. Note: If you want to be my friend, do not ask me about the ancient ritual I got myself into to make people happy (and therefore make myself happy, since there’s no such thing as 100 percent pure altruism). Ask me any of the above questions.
- People are really shocked when you make it clear you dislike the process of getting married or by even questioning the validity of monogamy. People are more shocked by this fact than anything else I might say. What is the big deal? It’s one huge cultural brainwash so stores can sell white dresses you can’t wear anywhere else… My wife’s girlfriends are more shocked by the fact that I sometimes point out women I find hot on the streets, then by anything else I might do. Appartently we are all to pretend that our signifcant others are suddenly blind to any other people they might fancy. I notice a wicked streak in me to get on the nerves of those friends. A streak I ignore since nothing good can come from it.
- Don’t get me wrong, I want to be married. I wouldn’t want to marry anyone else. I just want to skip the party. I want to be already married. For several reasons. First of all to point out that my wife is definitely number one, no contest, though not necessarily the only one, second of all, I’d like her to legally be able to pull the plug on me if I’m ever in a coma or something, I’d like her to inherit everything I own with the least possible legal hassle, and so on and so on. The list with tiny little advantages is long in a society that for many reasons wants to box in people two by two.
- I would like a really big party, but we don’t have the money to organize it, nor do I care enough about it to get into fights about it with family. They would definitely not like the way I would like to get married. But since we don’t have the money, and I don’t feel like causing trouble, I don’t push for it at all. In lots of cases I’m satisfied with living things out in my imagination. Perhaps I’ll incorporate my dream wedding in a novel. I think I often live more in my stories than in real life. Real life is often oppressively dull and limiting; because people around me prefer predictability.
- My main motivation really is to make my Slovak parents, my mum and my future wife happy. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t invite any of my friends, except for my best friend and best man. The other main reason is pure logistics. Is that a bad thing? It is, says my future wife, if you constantly complain about not wanting to get married in a traditional way. So apart from this blog post I’m shutting up about it. I really do want to see them have a nice day. I just hope it won’t be too awkward for me. I’m guessing it won’t, because most people there will like it the way it is.
- The bare minimum to have a wedding sort of the way I like it, would involve getting married on a beach and having ‘All apologies’ by Nirvana as our opening dance. That explains the featured image of this blog post. I would also prefer it if guests could play board games, if people were wearing skimpy, comfortable summer clothers. I would also consider an ayahuasca cleansing ritual. And instead of going to confession I’d like to have some sort of therapy moment with all the guests. In fact, I’d like to have a major geeky wedding on a beach with vegan food and a very alternative soundtrack. Plus, I’d like to stage a sort of autobiographical play. Well, at least we’re not punishing the guests with an autobiographical play.
- When faced with convention my stomach starts feeling like a vulcanoe spewing rebellion, but somehow I almost manage to keep it inside… Since my dad is no longer alive, there will be no one to shock the living daylights out of the traditional people who like weddings to be a copy of a copy of a copy. And I’m too sweet (wise??) to cause any scandal. ‘All apologies’ as our wedding dance got vetoed…
- In overhearing the planning of the wedding it became clear to me that these things get planned based on other weddings. ‘But they didn’t have that on Maria’s wedding!’. Or: ‘Yes, we can do that, because I saw the same thing on Eric and Georgina’s wedding.’ Making me think: Can’t we skip all this hassle by letting one couple have the standardized wedding for all of us? We just sign our name and done, we are married. And no one gets a heart attack because I suggest we could play the boardgame ‘Settlers of Catan’ during the wedding party. And a couple of thousands shops go out of business, but whatever, business is flexible. I’m quite flexible as well.
It feels a bit odd to end this post as usual, but here goes: