I have been reading and watching lots and lots of self help material over the past few years. This has been beneficial in some way. I have discovered several ways to feel a lot less depressed. Fighting depression is a big challenge for me, but it’s gotten a lot better thanks to lots of ‘tricks’ I’ve picked up from self help books and videos. And I hereby wish to thank Anthony Robbins, Leo Gura and Steven Pressfield and many others.
Still, I am far, far, far from satisfied with the life I’m leading, the way I look, my circle of friends, my income, my skills, my accomplishments, what I do, and so on. I don’t feel depressed, but I feel restless, dissatisfied, especially with myself, I feel like I’m redundant, that my society has no use for me and so on. In short, PLENTY OF ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.
But is so much improvement possible? I’ve been struggling with this stuff for years now. Some aspects of my life have gotten worse, not better, in spite of tons of self help material.
So, what I propose to do is this:
For one year, I want to keep track of progress, of setbacks, of my motivation, goals, accomplishments and faillures. I’ll do this in an extremely honest way and will push myself to reveal every bit of this quest for self improvement, including the very embarassing bits.
-perhaps it will inspire someone to try the same or to try some things that seem to work for me
-On next year’s new year’s eve I want to read this blog and write the final report: did I or did I not succeed at radically improving myself?
-I want to be absolutely sure if self help is possible for me or not
I’ll be adding selfies to these posts, even though I hate those, but perhaps that’s because I hate the way I look… Even posting this selfie here was a struggle against the vomit rising in my throat when I see how pale and bloated I look under this odd Harry Potter haircut.
So, the game is on, alea jacta est, my war for self improvement (and happiness and self esteem, etc) starts right now.
And the first episode will be a setback to the way I feel about my body: my Slovak family has an immense amount of food in store for me. And they take it as a personal insult if I don’t stuff myself. I love them, but I hate my body.
My year of self-improvement starts with the very typical motivation of anybody who wants to lose some weight: ‘Today I’ll have my last food binge, but tomorrow I’m going on a diet for real!’
The odds are stacked against me, but you can start betting.
Will I feel radically better about my life on the 31st of december 2015 and be able to prove this?