On Friday at 4:30 pm all the doors close.
No one can leave.
These people are still in the office:
Miro, Jana, Henia, Tania, Katka, Claudia, Atilla, Inge, Peter, Paula, Gabriel, Iveta, Juraj and William.
The doors slam shut.
They close fast.
It’s loud.
Claudia: “I don’t understand.”
Katka: “That’s normal.”
Henia laughs.
Miro: “Does anyone have keys?”
Katka: “Everyone has a badge, but no keys.”
Juraj: “The badges don’t work anymore. We’re locked in.”
Paula: “Ok, I’m going to drink wine and watch Titanic on my phone.”
William: “I’ll join you.”
Paula: “Fine, but I’m not giving you any wine.”
William: “That’s ok. You make me drunk enough.”
Katka: “I want to go home. We must solve this problem.”
Claudia: “What problem?”
Jana: “I’m going to sleep. Bye.”
Iveta: “I found a bottle of vodka in the kitchen. I’m happy.”
Inge: “My son is calling. He asks when I’m coming home.”
Peter: “I’m going to answer 500 emails.”
Gabriel: “I’m going to study Dutch irregular verbs.”
Miro: “I’m going to skype my girlfriend, Leen.”
Henia: “I’m going to drink wine too.”
Tania: “I’ll paint my nails.”
Katka: “Goddammit, lazy, slow, imaginationless idiots!! We must solve this problem!!”
Claudia: “What problem?”
Juraj: “Maybe this is a test.”
Claudia: “Do we have a Dutch test today? Why did no one tell me?”
Juraj: “No, I mean an experiment. A social experiment. Maybe we’re on TV. They’re testing how we react.”
They hear loud banging.
BONG BONG BONG BONG
In front of the door stands a big, green dragon.
Katka: “Kiss my balls… There’s a dragon!!”
Jana: “You’re loud. I can’t sleep like this.”
Iveta: “Do you have more vodka? My bottle is empty.”
Katka: “Annoying idiots, there is a DRAGON!! Don’t you see that???”
Gabriel: “The dragon doesn’t look dangerous. I’m not scared.”
Claudia: “What is a dragon?”
The dragon: “I will open the doors if you give honest and correct answers to five questions.”
Everyone: “Wooooow, the dragon can talk!!!”
Claudia: “Is that abnormal?”
Katka: “YES, a big green dragon that talks is abnormal.”
Claudia: “Why are we even still at work? Why don’t we go home?”
Juraj: “All the doors are blocked.”
Claudia: “Really?”
Katka: “Ok, UGLY DRAGON, ask a question.”
Dragon: “Katka, do you have a lot of self-confidence?”
Katka: “Yes.”
Dragon: “Sorry, that was not a correct answer. You have zero correct answers.”
Juraj: “Ask me a question.”
Dragon: “What is your talent?”
Juraj: “I have no talent.”
Dragon: “That was not a correct answer. Zero correct answers.”
Claudia: “What should we do?”
Katka: “The dragon asks questions. You must answer honestly. After five correct answers the doors open.”
Claudia: “Are the doors closed?”
Everyone: “YEEEEES!!!”
Claudia: “Ok, go ahead.”
Dragon: “If someone doesn’t know the verb ‘to confess’, do they speak good English?”
Claudia: “I don’t understand the question.”
Katka: “I’ll kill you.”
Atilla: “Ask me a question.”
Dragon: “Are you looking for a wife?”
Atilla: “No.”
Dragon: “Correct. You have one correct answer.”
Miro: “Ask me a question.”
Dragon: “What is your talent?”
Miro: “I give people a good mood.”
Dragon: “Correct. Two correct answers.”
Jana: “Because of this stupid dragon I can’t sleep. Ask me a question.”
Dragon: “Do you miss sex very much?”
Jana: “No.”
Dragon: “Incorrect. Still two correct answers.”
Katka: “Ask me another question, ugly dragon!!”
Dragon: “Do you forward colleagues’ private messages to other people?”
Katka: “No, never!”
Dragon: “Incorrect. Still two correct answers.”
Henia: “I have no patience!! Ask me a question.”
Dragon: “Did a Swedish woman destroy your ego badly?”
Henia: “Yes.”
Dragon: “Correct. Three answers.”
Henia: “Good. Simple solution. Ask me two more questions. I will answer honestly. Then we go home. This game is stupid.”
Claudia: “I don’t like games.”
Jana: “Me neither. I want to sleep.”
Iveta: “Sir Dragon, I also have a question. Do you have vodka?”
Dragon: “Henia, what do you really hate doing?”
Henia: “I don’t want to say…”
Katka: “And we’re done… damn it…”
William (shouting from far away): “Katka, SPEAK DUTCH!!”
Paula: “William, shut up and watch Titanic.”
Claudia: “Why is the dragon here?”
Gabriel: “Ask me a question.”
Dragon: “When were you born?”
Gabriel: “In 1994.”
Dragon: “Correct. Four answers.”
Katka: “Jesus, Mary, Joseph… That’s not fair!! Why does Gabriel get such an easy question??!!”
Gabriel: “Ask me another question.”
Dragon: “I have no questions for you. You always tell the truth.”
Inge: “Ask me a question.”
Dragon: “No questions for you. You also always tell the truth.”
Iveta: “Ask me a question.”
Dragon: “Drunk people cannot lie.”
Iveta: “That’s discrimination!!”
Claudia: “Yes, that’s racism!”
Katka: “That is not racism!!”
Juraj: “Ok, dragon, ask me a question.”
Dragon: “What is your talent?”
Juraj: “Fuck, I don’t know.”
Katka: “Can you please answer? You’re hot, but also a blockhead!”
William: “Katka, SPEAK DUTCH!!”
Paula: “Look into my eyes and shut up!!”
Miro: “Ask me another question.”
Dragon: “Which colleague is your favorite one-night stand?”
Katka: “Holy shit…”
Henia: “Interesting. Did you notice? William didn’t shout ‘Speak Dutch!’ this time!”
Miro: “I don’t have a favorite one-night stand.”
Dragon: “Incorrect. You have…”
Katka: “FOUR CORRECT ANSWERS!! I KNOW IT, you unfinished, smelly, filthy, messed-up jerk!!”
Dragon: “Why are you single, Katka?”
Katka: “I’m not responding anymore. Whatever…”
Henia: “Katka, answer. Then we can go home.”
Claudia: “Yes, I go home. Oh, the door is closed. Did you notice?”
Atilla: “People, can we be practical? Can we climb through a window?”
Henia & Katka: “Have you LOOKED at us??”
Atilla: “We must find a concrete solution. The dragon might lie. Even after five correct answers he might not open the doors.”
Miro: “I agree.”
Juraj: “Me too.”
Jana: “Ok, wake me when you find the solution.”
Iveta: “Oh no, I’m getting sober. I’m shaking!! Quick, find a solution!!”
Claudia: “Solution for what?”
Katka: “Atilla, you’re right. I want to jump out the window.”
Juraj: “Ok, ok, ok, ask me another question.”
Dragon: “Juraj, what is your talent?”
Juraj: “I stay calm in all situations. I am stoic but cheerful. I am balanced. I have a normal ego. I have a good memory. I am talented with languages. I have a sense of humor. I have good taste in clothing. I can cook well. I can make women happy. I am muscular. I can create a cozy atmosphere. I can—”
Dragon: “Enough. You have five correct answers. The doors are open.”
Claudia: “Weren’t the doors open?”
Atilla: “Finally we can go home.”
Gabriel: “That was strange. But the dragon was honest luckily.”
Claudia: “Why did the dragon ask questions?”
Henia: “Katka, put that knife away!!”
Miro: “William and Paula, the doors are open! We can go home!”
Paula: “Yes, later. We still have wine and Titanic isn’t finished.”
Jana: “I finally slept…”
Iveta: “Quick, quick. Let me go first. I must go to the shop for vodka!!!”
Claudia: “When do we write the Dutch test?”
Tania: “We have no test. My nails are done. I’m leaving. I want McDonald’s.”
Peter: “I’ll stay. I must answer 247 more emails.”
Atilla: “I’m glad the problem is solved.”
Claudia: “What problem?”
Katka: “Look, the dragon is back.”
Dragon: “You are very sweet, nice, funny people. I only play this game with people I like.”
Katka: “Fat. Thanks.”
Henia: “Mr. Dragon, do we all get a gift because we did well on the test?”
Claudia: “The Dutch test?”
Dragon: “Yes, you all get a gift. Here is the list:
Katka: €1500 credit in a sex shop for single women
Jana: €1500 credit in a bed and mattress store
Tania: €1500 credit in a shoe store
Peter: €1500 credit for a trip to Amsterdam
Gabriel: €1500 credit for Belgian beer
Paula: €1500 credit for a beach holiday anywhere in the world
Claudia: €1500 credit for food in romantic restaurants
Iveta: €1500 credit for one evening of drinking
Henia: €1500 credit for wine tasting in southern France
Inge: €1500 credit for a trip to Kenya OR pancakes for the whole family
Atilla: €1500 credit for a trip to Sardinia
Miro: €1500 credit for things in your apartment
Juraj: €1500 credit for ingredients to cook yourself
Everyone was very happy.
It was a nice day.
Everyone went home satisfied.
Hopefully the dragon comes back often.
The Confessor 