Busiest day of the week.
Private classes from 8 am till 9 pm. Yes, till 9 pm.
One day before Zuzana’s name’s day.
She doesn’t want anything.
Says: ‘If you want to give me something, find a way to be happy. Also for Bruno. Find a woman who appreciates your passion. It’s not for me. I don’t care about things like that. I never did.’
Your generous spirit rears its head inside and goes: ‘Wow, wow, wait a minute, we need an outlet here! Too much energy!! Risk of implosion if not shared.’
The classes roll by smoothly.
I try to make them as lively and engaging as possible. It’s not always easy.
I notice how some students are very curious about my world and others aren’t. That’s ok. They are here to learn a language, not to learn about me. I just notice the difference. This is work that can get under your skin. Dealing with other people all the time. Adapting. Sending out your feelers. Incorporating their mood into the lesson. Trying not to incorporate your mood into the lesson. Keeping things cheerful and vibrant. Most of the time it works.
In the early afternoon my Muse and I have what we call a hammock moment. There is no hammock, but the symbol conveys what it’s like.
Five minutes of re-fueling. Sowing a bit of niceness into each other’s rush rush day with lots of external impulses.
Some young woman sees us and has a knowing smile on her face. It reads: ‘There is something you don’t see every day.’
There is little intimacy in Bustleslava. Money making machines running here and there trying to catch a piece of whatever our image culture dictates. That set of material items that makes the official happiness check list, but is in the end always just a trap if you can’t find nourishment for who you really are.
Had two very pleasant conversations with students. It’s work and I have to pay more attention, way more, than if it were non-work conversations, but how did we ever get to the notion that if you are enjoying yourself it’s not work?
Trust me, there was a steady stream of tedious repetition as well. Plenty of situations that require lots of creativity, empathy and concentration. To inspire people to learn and perfect a skill requires patience and a very big power source inside. And that power source needs recharging at some point. And that recharging hardly happens in my current life’s circumstances.
There is 90 percent of me that I continually have to suppress for the sake of business, steadiness and because there are so few people who can handle my fire. I turn off the fire for most people around me, so as not to make them uncomfortable.
My Muse sees my fire and it warms her. I don’t turn it off for her. Of course there is a time and a place for everything. She has a way of guarding my fire and making it into a source of creation and wholesomeness.
I listened to lots of positive affirmations. I notice some effect.
My diet stays 100 percent ironclad healthy.
I notice positive differences because of that too.
For example, when playing on the ground with Bruno I can feel my body moving about faster as if am flying.
My clothes fit better.
I move more easily.
Am full of energy.
Am so overflowing with love all the time.
At least I can give some of that love to Bruno, cause I would otherwise crack open from the force of it.
I don’t understand hoarding love… When it’s so very easy and so very energizing for yourself and others to give it.
We have figured out many things. We can sow back amputated toes and make them work again same as before. We can build the longest bridges. We can send millions of tons across the globe in ever shorter time frames.
Yet we haven’t figured out how to allow ourselves to bask in love.
So I just do it.
I let her – and to a lesser extent and in a very different form – wrap herself in my love and I in hers.
People fear the peak of their potential so much they’ll settle for mediocre.
I’ve decided life is too short for that.
I’ve decided life is about freely expressing what’s inside of you.
Am not a mechanical engineer, but I build amazing bridges of a different nature.
She’s free to use all of my infrastructure however she sees fit.
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