I don’t have a problem with one on one courses. Am blessed with the finest sort of students. I mean the ones I teach individually.
Group courses are a different story. Perhaps because groups mean inequality. Some are just better than others. Something about groups brings out either the worst or the best in people.
In groups I am often confronted with having to teach people I don’t like. If I had to teach them individually there would most likely be no problem or tension.
During a group lesson I hear a lot of stupid remarks. Some are just really dumb remarks, or arrogant remarks. Some are rather aggressive remarks towards me. Since these people are my clients I cannot retaliate – at least not openly – because then I risk losing my clients. So am forced to be always nice to people whereas they can be nasty towards me.
Am like a waiter who does not serve food, but a language. In many ways these roles are similar, except that I can be a bit more forceful about the way the client should digest what am serving.
I have to ignore a lot of dumb shit during a day. I have to pretend I do not see how people make a fool of themselves. I have to look the other way a lot. I have to turn the other cheek a lot. Some people – especially overly proud people – can be really ridiculous. But I have to pretend they are ok and teach them, just like the others in the group.
At the end of the day all that bullshit bubbles up in my head. And every vicious remark I would have loved to make if I had had the freedom to do so.
That’s perhaps the worst part about teaching. It doesn’t stop. Their faces come back to you, what they said, what they did, how you reacted or didn’t react.
Those few individuals who I greatly dislike make me never want to see another human being ever again.
The human mind is also a torture device in the way that it keeps reproducing the worst experiences in a day and not the nice ones.
I suppose I need to find a better method to rid myself of the aftertaste of imbecility at the end of – almost – each day, all caused by a mere 2 percent of all my students.