It’s easy to get addicted to porn.

The images of insanely hot people (usually thanks to a lot of industry tricks to make them look that way) fucking like bunnies triggers your dopamine production. Thanks to smartphones you can get a hit anywhere, anytime. You don’t have to pay for it. Paying for porn may make some sense if you are into a very specific fetish or are extremely picky when it comes to picture quality. Most users will find all the porn they could ever want to view in 1,000 life times via the free circuit.

It doesn’t change your looks and it doesn’t affect your health in any visible way.

I am personally convinced that it does change your body language and the overall vibe you give off, but nobody is going to think: oh, this person does not feel confident or centered or proud of himself, he must watch a lot of porn and get a lot of solo action!!!

No, as a porn addict you can fly under the radar. Barring anyone walking in on you while you are romancing yourself while watching a petite MILF getting creampied by a big black cock (BBC) while her cuckold husband is watching nobody will ever think you are addicted to porn.
There are serious downsides to being addicted to porn. All addictions cause more harm than they ever bring surcease of sorrow.

  • just like with any addiction you need a bigger and bigger hit to get the same high. This means you will spend more time looking for content that rubs the spot. You will also ‘graduate’ towards more and more hard-core imagery. A lot of straight guys eventually end up watching gay porn as well. Not because they are gay, but in some twisted way the novelty and the taboo and the unusualness of it all gets them the dopamine hits. An other direction may be slipping into watching younger and younger girls with a risk of sliding into watching illegal content and the abuse of underage women (= children). This does not happen in every scenario of porn addiction, but it’s common enough to be worthy of concern.
  • Also common is that real life sex loses a lot of its thrill. Few real life women can match the look and actions of the entirely fake and staged ladies you see on porn sets. Even the amateur videos you can find are often made with an audience in mind and therefore not representative of what really goes on in people’s bedrooms. Although over time people do start copying what they see in porn movies in real life. Or they at least try to. Often not realizing that what they see on porn sets may look exciting, but it rarely leads to any real satisfaction.
  • It’s time consuming.
  • It’s depressing. For example: in porn all women are always available and catering to the needs of male no matter the genre. In real life women are almost always sexually unavailable and tie sex to a host of conditions. This can be a major source of frustration.
  • One may feel a sense of relief or welcome numbness after jerking off to porn, but it also leaves one feeling empty. Because porn vaguely caters to a need, but not in any satisfactory way. Watching porn is like licking the chilled door of your fridge when what you really crave is an ice cold craft beer on a summer’s day. You can lick away at that door, and with a lot of imagination it may bring some relief, but craving that beer will not go away.
  • Porn addiction has been linked to erectile dysfunction. I’ve had female clients with boyfriends in the prime of life who couldn’t get it up because of porn.
  • You can develop ‘dead man’s grip’. Meaning that you have been stroking away so often that your penis is now too numb to come inside a vagina. Because a vagina is simply not that tight. I can assure you that women (maybe women don’t always know this about themselves) will eventually feel like something is off when you never orgasm inside her.
  • There is no way around this: masturbating messes up your dating game. If you want to get laid try not masturbating, not even once, for at least six months. I promise you, you will get so fucking horny you will burst with initiative to engage with women and get to sex. It will also raise your sex appeal.

So why do men invite all these downsides of watching porn and jerking off into their lives?

The driving force behind it is the same as with any addiction.

  • A lack of meaningful connections
  • Being stuck in situations you want to get out of, but you don’t know how. Temporary escape is then an easy way to let off steam. Ironically the behavior will perpetuate and often aggravate the unwanted situations
  • Once you are addicted your brain and body don’t listen to you anymore. It now takes enormous will power and a zero tolerance attitude to break the cycle. When you are addicted you can’t just ‘cut back’. You can’t ask an alcoholic to drink just one glass of wine a day. You can’t ask a cocaine addict to only do an line on special occasions. Soon every day comes with special occasions.
  • Stopping makes the unpleasantness one is trying to escape suddenly engulf you, so it’s totally overwhelming the first few days and weeks
  • When you quit an addiction and then relapse your addiction will be worse and your appetite for the bad stuff will be biggger. So when you’re trying to quit it’s essential to do it right and avoid relapses. With every relapse the behavior will escalate a bit. So even when one is trying to quit one can end up in a very destructive cycle.

So how do you quit?

  1. Admit your addicted
  2. Decide you want to quit this behavior and realize it’s not getting you what you want. In fact, every time you give into the addiction you get further away from what you actually need
  3. Adopt a zero tolerance policy. There is not ‘little bit’ or ‘moderation’ when it comes to addiction.
  4. Accept that it’s going to fucking hurt initially. Brace for that pain and accept it.
  5. Talk to people. Look for people. Build connections. This may be a challenge, but seriously, with effort it’s totally possible. Even if it has to be a whatsapp connection with someone on the other side of the globe
  6. Exercise!
  7. Let your thoughts come. With your escape route closed the thing you are running away from will now it you in full force. Examine those thoughts. Let them come. Look for solutions. Journal. Paint. Express yourself! Vent! Rage! Rant! Get it out!
  8. Make it a lot harder to get back to it. Block sites. Stop using a smartphone if needs be. Get one of those old nokia phones.
  9. Avoid behaviors that will undermine your will power. If you are alone and get drunk it will be harder to not go back to porn sites.
  10. Build a network, find activities that make you feel fullfilled. Go volunteering or something. Join a worthy cause. Find some spiritual practice.
  11. Read more about addictions. The more you know about what drives the behavior the more you are equipped to stop it.
  12. Never ever think that after a period of abstinence you can now surely handle a small hit. You can not. After a period of abstinence those initial hits will cause such a spike in dopamine levels it will be impossible to resist more.
  13. Keep reminding yourself of what you really need. Simply put, if you wish to quit an addiction you need your ‘ikigai’, some occupation that you enjoy, are good at and gets you money and you need INTIMACY. It’s hard to get those things, but they are out there for everyone. The sooner you fully commit yourself to look for them the sooner you will find them. Start the journey NOW.

I mean this in all seriousness:

if you need help battling an addiction contact me on whatsapp: +421 915 09 24 12 or contact me via my site.

I wish you lots of drive to become the best version of you.