Will my son grow up to be a healthy adult?

I can’t watch a movie or a series or open a fucking newspaper or the first thing I see or read is something about a child dying.

For fucks sake!

If that ever happens I will most likely kill myself. Maybe take a few assholes with me. At that point my karma will have sunk to such lows it will never recover anyway.

Will the money keep coming in?

Will my family in Belgium stay free of Covid?

Will some entitities I work for try to cut my paycheck again?

Is the best really behind me? Apart from the joy of seeing Bruno develop.

Am I now so deep into certain topics, such as God awful American politics, trauma psychology, economics, etc that any enjoyable conversation is getting more and more unlikely? The people I meet like to talk about food and stuff like that. Am annoyed that I have to stop learning and working to put food in me. And that my fucking body keeps asking for more, more, more.

Am I ever going to recover from losing ALL my illusions?

Is there at least a tiny chance we get to see our loved ones back after death? I don’t believe it, but I sort of hope so. It would give some sense to all the suffering in this freakishly strange world.

Not only do I feel like am an alien who can’t get back to his planet, no, it’s more like that planet has been blown up. So even with a miracle of a spacecraft I still wouldn’t be able to get back.

That’s why this picture with the mist is so fitting.

Not since highschool have the walls between me and the world been so high.

The US is warmly invited to come and pick it up. Am sure they will find a spot for it. I know Israel would be more than happy to acquire it, but those most sly and systematic killers are not getting it.

Am I going to keep having the same unasked for flashbacks concerning things I do not want to dwell on or even remember?

Is that irritating voice listing all my faillures and endlessly listing all that I haven’t become ever going to shut the fuck up?

Can I speak to the manager of my soul eating brain now?