Pain is certain.

Also certain:

‘The attempt to escape your pain is what causes more pain’, Gabor Maté.

You can try to kill your pain with alcohol, other drugs, some kind of addiction, anger, cutting yourself off from all feeling by becoming rigid, physical exhaustion, sleep deprivation, seeking conflict, seeking other pain, sleeping the whole day, overeating, focussing on someone else’s pain, falling in love, adopting dogs, etc etc etc

Nothing will end your pain. A lot of these strategies will make the pain worse. You will hurt others. Hurt people hurt.

So what can you do then?

Find something positive to do fueled by that pain.

Creating art, for example. Any kind of art.

Caring about others. This is not the same as letting yourself being absorbed by the pain of someone else. This means caring for others in a healthy way.

Lost a loved one to drug addiction? Go work at a rehab center or visit schools to talk about the dangers of drugs.

Lost a loved one in some war in an oil rich country? Get involved in the peace movement.

These are very straightforward examples.

In most cases it’s far from clear what purpose you can mold your pain into.

And it sure isn’t easy.

Part of my pain I transform into love for my son and into showing him how wanted he is, how welcome he is, how accepted he is.

Part of my pain goes into this blog. This blog might not even exist if I wasn’t in pain.

In learning.

In trying to bring something positive into the life of the people I meet. Even when I am really not in the mood to be anywhere near people.

In trying to understand what causes pain and what can be done about it.

In looking for something like a more sustainable happiness.

The pain is there. It doesn’t go away. It will never go away. There is a knife in my soul and it will be there till the day I die. Maybe more than one. But the pain can motivate me.

If we are water our pain is the container. This can be an uncomfortable container, but the water is still in it. It can serve its purpose. It can be used to alleviate thirst, or it can be used to drown or to make poison.

The choice is yours.

Treat us to a cup of coffee

It's a great joy and honor to be able to create content for our readers. It's nothing short of a calling and if it would not be rewarding we would of course not be doing it. That being said it's also true that it sure doesn't come easy. Thousands and thousands of hours go into providing this website for you. Countless hours of research, reading, studying, discussions, brainstorms, some heated arguments between the driving forces behind this site about the content offered. Honestly, this website costs blood, sweat and tears. Ok, maybe not blood, but plenty of sweat and tears. It’s not cheap either. It’s safe to say that this site is like a full-time job on top of our regular jobs. So what we are asking is this: If you’ve had some fun on our site, you could spread some joy of your own and support us. We are hell bent on improving the quality of this site. If you treat us to just one (hopefully more than one) cup of coffee (3€) we will feel energized to raise the bar. Every donation will strictly be used to improve this website. So no, we won’t actually buy coffee. Thank you very much! PS Yes, this is a picture of Zuzi.