‘As doctors in Slovakia we make something like 700 euro a month.’
You are sucking her big breasts. More than twice the size of your ideal. Now that you are intimate with her, none of that is allowed to matter. You are here now and you will accept her the way she is. You are slowly running your tongue all over them. Your fingers are traveling down south, caressing her thighs, and sometimes rubbing over her knickers.
‘I make more than 2,500 euro a month here, probably quite a bit more, I feel more peaceful when I don’t count it, and I still feel like a loser. If you compare yourself to young hot shot billionaires you can never win.’
You talking in Slovak, but you use the English word ‘loser’, because you are not sure about the Slovak equivalent.
Every book on how to seduce women will tell you that you should never put yourself down in the company of a woman. Not here. The masks go off.
‘How can you feel like a loser if you are making that kind of money?’
‘I still have my Belgian mindset. It’s not a lot. Well, it’s ok in Belgium as well. Like I suppose something like 1,400 euro a month is quite normal for Belgium.’
‘Yes, and the prices are really not that different. The big irony is that somebody like you, who is a physician in this country, could make four time more in Belgium by being a simple mathematics teacher at a secondary school.’
‘I’ve never understood how these things are possible.’
Et moi, et moi, et moi by Jacques Dutronc is playing in the background. The lyrics are so fucking cynical you rub your face all over her breasts in an attempt to escape from all the ugliness in this world.
‘You can lick me now, ok?’
She uses the Slovak word ‘dobre’ instead of ok. ‘Dobre’ means ‘good’, but it can have many meanings.
‘Stop asking if am ok with everything. Just tell me what to do.’
You start sliding your tongue all the way over her body, slowly down, kissing also her arms, her hands, her belly.
She archs her back and you let her push against your tongue. At first you aren’t licking her, she is rubbing her vagina on your tongue.
You start licking and slip a finger in. First one, then two.
You have had to wash your hands very carefully. Elaborately. With special soap. And you have you to use anti-bacterial gel. Petra does not fuck around when it comes to infections.
When you do this a lot, you get used to washing your hands before you get too loose with your hands. You trim your nails. You don’t wear rings. You don’t touch her anus and then her vagina. Same goes for your fingers, tongue and penis. You don’t want to give them bladder infections. Or stuff connected to e-coli.
You keep your tongue on her clit and labia, and start fingerfucking her. In fact, she is riding your fingers, so you can also just keep them in, but you suppose she likes it better if you move them vigorously in and out of her. She has a remarkably tight pussy, but you ascribe that to her mental blocks. She’s not ready to enjoy penetration by a penis. She has never had sex on HER terms. So that’s your task here. To unblock her. To show her a different way of having sex. To introduce her to her own sexuality. She has enjoyed penetration with you before, but once you lied to her about spending a weekend with one of the others, and since then she has this anti-penis-penetration with you as well. No matter. It’s now part of your femdom game.
She comes heavily, raising her body up and down in fast jumps. Then she abruptly stops you. Whenever she has an orgasm she can’t stand stimulation not even a second longer.
She has a stubble on her pussy. Her boyfriend makes her shave. The stubble hurts your lips and your nose, even your forehead when she rubs herself all over you, fast. When she is about to come. Jumping when she is coming. It can get abrasive.
You go back to lie next to her.
You hug, you are holding her tight against you, her head is on your chest.
She says this was the best sexual experience of her life.
You were not expecting her to say it. You were not hoping for her to say it. But when she does, you know that this is what you wanted to hear. She says with such a sigh of relief, she cuddles up to you, with all her defenses down, almost like a child now, that you allow yourself to think it’s true.
At the same time you think: this was almost too easy. Can’t everyone lick?
Perhaps it’s the fire inside, the fire that you want to warm her with, that she feels with every kiss and every flick of your tongue, that does the ‘trick’.
Maybe that is why her boyfriend can’t make her come. It’s just a technical puzzle to him, his heart isn’t it. Cause let’s face it, everyone who’s ever eaten an ice-cream can do this.
‘We doctors are really psycho.’
‘Psycho’ is her word to describe people with fucked up or paradoxical behaviour. Everything and everybody is psycho to her.
‘We see people die. We see terminally ill children. It doesn’t affect us. We work. We do what needs to be done. Lots of them are really psycho. They have fucked up sex lives, they drink, they gamble, they are savagely ambitious, they are sex obsessed.’
‘I think everyone has a shadow side and the more intelligent a person is the bigger and the more destructive that shadow becomes.’
‘I have told you about that gambling doctor. He’s actually a brilliant doctor. And so fucked up.’
‘Doesn’t surprise me.’
‘I asked him to unblock me sexually. I’ve done so much for that guy. I asked him to unblock me, to finally make me detach from my boyfriend. He wouldn’t do it. He didn’t talk to me for a long time. And we were always together. I really helped him out a lot. With his gambling. Once he crashed a car. He was drunk. My mum took the blame for it. He could have lost his medical license otherwise. I asked him to have sex with me to help me get over my boyfriend and he blocks me out of his life for weeks.’
Her issues with her dad start running through your head. Trying to figure out her patterns, her scarring, her trauma repetitions.
She looks up at you with her big eyes, those eyes that seem so incapable of sending out hatred or anger and asks: ‘So how do you want to cum?’
‘No, you decide.’
In a few months she will have accepted her role as dominatrix so fully, that she will have no problems deciding anything at all. She will consider your penis and your balls as her own private property. But she’s not there yet now.
‘Same like last time.’
She puts her hand under the covers and cups your balls in her hand and rhytmically starts pulling them down.
She whispers: ‘Am going to cut off your balls. And your penis too. And you will just lick me. Guys will come to fuck me and you will just watch and lick me. Forever.’
‘And you wouldn’t mind if I had no penis and balls?’
‘No, it would excite me. You would be mine alone.’
‘Am I allowed to cum?’
‘Yes, you are allowed to cum. You have to. I order you to cum. If you don’t cum right now I am going to cut off those balls. They are my balls. I will wear them round my neck and you will lick me with your limp dick. And later I will cut off your dick too.’
You shoot and she grabs your balls tighter. It actually hurts now. You have trouble pushing her hand away. She is breathing heavily because it arouses her if she can hurt your genitals. Not only is she hurting you, but she is also preventing the sperm from coming out. You have the natural reflex to set yourself free, so you have to pry away her fingers one by one.
‘When you ask me to cum I should tell you that you are not allowed to cum?’
‘It is up to you, but yes, it would be better if you said I was not allowed.’
‘And some time you can give me a ruined orgasm. It’s like another sign that you control my sexuality, that you are in charge.’
‘I must say that all of this arouses me very much. Saying those things to you excites me. Can you lick me again?’
They are in the heart of Bratislava, in a small studio, right next to Michalska Brana. It’s bustling street. With the windows open in summer you can count how many foreign languages you hear as the tourists are passing by. In one hour you can easily hear five or more. These tourists looking for where to eat, or looking for the soldier of Napoleon on the central square have no idea how the small studio smells of bodily fluids, a room that hasn’t been properly cleaned in ages, and the music is not playing loud enough for them to hear ‘Come as you are’ or ‘Drain you’ by Nirvana, but you can clearly hear them trying to create the perfect scene to take a picture of the Michalska Brana, that very typical picture every tourist here makes. And everything typical disgusts you and the more you hear those tourists the more you enjoy it when she sits on your face and is asking if you are her sex slave, if you love the taste of her pussy, and if you will always lick her no matter how many times she asks for it.
On top of that is the perverse pleasure of knowing that all of this is happening at noon.
She drives a car that can be used in medical emergencies. One of the perks of her job is that she can ignore most traffic regulations. It’s fitting that she often picks him up in this car. A car that can ignore traffic regulations to go to a chamber of pleasures where completely different rules apply, so different from what normally happens when two people exchange bodily fluids. There’s no possessiveness, the main focus is not on penetration, and you are not committed to the kind of honesty that destroys any couple in an instant. But not you, you thrive on it, you are tripping on it, you are high from candor and naked information.
‘I am never hungry when I am with you’, you say, ‘and for the past ten years I have been overeating, to compensate for sexual frustration.’
‘You can lick me again now’, she says. ‘But finger me first and kiss my breasts.’
After she comes you talk about movies you saw as a small child that perhaps influenced your life and your experience of the world forever. You are telling her stuff from your childhood just to check if your experiences were abnormal or not. Routinely watching rapes, suicides, genocide, and any depraved act known to man, on television, as a 5 year old is probably not exactly normal. She is the perfect sonding board. Attentive, perceptive, intelligent and she is as brutal with your testicles as she is brutal about telling the truth, and your adores her for it.
So you hug her tight when she says: ‘You don’t love yourself and now you punish yourself, again and again.’
Petra is in an 11 year long relationship with Milan, a physician like her, a dermatologist to be specific. She’s never cheated on him before. But during today’s sex marathon Milan will call her and they will sound exactly like a married couple over the phone. He will unburden himself about work trouble and she will lovingly listen and call him nice things. While you are licking her pussy and she is trying real hard to not moan. Except once, when a sex sound escapes her, she will be succesful. He will say: ‘You sound tired. Are you tired?’
After she has had her next orgasm she says, playing with your hair:
‘Peter cheated on me all over the place. He had a million women on Messenger. They sent him naked pictures. He was fucking some women every day.’
You start sucking her nipples again. She is very responsive to that and always wants her next orgasm after some minutes of it. Until she is ready to be licked again she keeps talking:
‘I used to want to be only with doctors. They had to be doctors. And more intelligent than me. Now they don’t need to be doctors anymore. I realize that someone can be super intelligent without a university degree.’
‘I think the fact that you are a doctor is also attractive to guys.’
‘When I go out with my friends, to clubs, I often end up having conversations with guys, and of course they don’t know what I do. So I let them guess. They name 200 professions. They think I certainly work with people. Like that am a hostess or something. When I tell them I am a doctor, they don’t want to believe me. They just can’t believe they are talking like that to a doctor. I have to introduce them to my friends to confirm that we are doctors. It’s funny.’
‘Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power.’
‘I like giving you control.’
‘I love it. I love control. Much more than I realized. I have always had control at work, in life, but not during sex. Now I realize I love it.’
‘What do you want?’
‘I want you to lick me. And can other guys come and fuck me while you lick me?’
‘Yes, I know that would excite you very much.’
‘And can that guy come I met on Thursday through Tinder? And can I give him a blowjob while you lick me?’
‘That image is making me very horny.’
You slide down and start licking her with long, slow strokes, and when she starts moaning you slip a finger in her. You push it upwards and she moans louder and starts jumping up and down again.
When she pushes you abruptly away, she says: ‘That was the longest orgasm ever. My orgasms are getting better and better.’
She hugs you and pulls the covers over you.
‘I was very bad when I think about it. Milan had sex with those women, but I was constantly meeting guys. We didn’t have sex, you’re the only one, apart from a few times with that rich guy, but I was always with them. I spent far more time with other guys than with Milan. Then I fuck the second guy in my life and he turns out to be a copy of my Milan.’
‘Trauma repetition Freud called in. You have to resolve the situation with your father. Like you are angry at your father, and you are also anger at Milan for cheating and for lying so much, and for not respecting you as the only one, but I don’t feel that anger. I think the way forward for you is to express that anger. You must be angry at me too.’
‘I hate that it always comes back to my father. I’m annoyed from him. Just talking about him makes me annoyed.’
‘What if you would punish Milan by punishing my penis what would you do?’
‘You don’t want that, you wouldn’t survive that…’
‘Just work out 5 percent of your anger on my penis, what would you do?’
‘You still wouldn’t survive that.’
‘One percent then.’
‘Better take 0,01 percent.’
She drives your nails in the shaft of your penis and starts stroking it like that. It’s so arousing that you have trouble postponing your orgasm.
You would like to penetrate her now, but she has forbidden that. It adds to her feeling of power.
In the past you were trying to find in which position your penis really hit her G-spot so she could climax from penetration alone. Sometimes you went on and one for more than 12 hours.
You ask for penetration, but she says no. ‘You are my slave and I forbid you to go in me. Your penis is just a nuisance to me. I hate touching it. Your orgasm bothers me. I don’t want to allow you to cum every time. For the next two months you are not allowed to cum anymore.’
After she orders you to cum, she is instantly sweet again.
‘You know I don’t mean those things, right? It’s just a part of our game. At least I finally enjoy penetration. With Milan penetration lasted only two minutes and it always hurt. When you came inside me it’s like am fulfilled even though I didn’t have an orgasm from it.’
‘But now you don’t want penetration anymore?’
‘No, it’s much more arousing for me to be in complete control of your penis and balls and your orgasm. It makes me super horny that you won’t cum for the next two months. The thought alone makes me want to come again. Lick me again. And then we should go.’
While the two of you are dressing she says:
‘If I would tell my therapist that to detach from Milan I am having marathon sex with a guy who is making love to a bunch of other women, whom I tell that I want to cut off his balls during sex, and that I love to hear all the details about what this guy does with the others, then I think she ends therapy with me and looks for a different job.’
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